IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that modern technology encourages more social behavior. Others say that this leads to lesser sociable behavior. Discuss both views with examples and provide your opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that
,
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apply
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the
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apply
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digital tools provide various tools for communication.
While
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 it is a commonly
helf
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held
 belief that, the new technology makes the social attitude more active. There is
also
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 an argument that an individual thinks that
this
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 leads to decreased social
behavior
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behaviour
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.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand,
an
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the
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 internet makes our life easy and, works as a bridge for communication and sharing a piece of information.
In other words
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, a virtual network provides various forms for chatting or live calling live with international teachers
result
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resulting
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 in exchange the of culture and eliminating social issues.
In addition
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, based on my experience one of the famous educational platforms is the Github community which is very useful and helpful for increasing problem-solving skills and brainstorming in Computer science programs.
For example
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, nowadays
the
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programmers use X
tool
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tools
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 for sharing their
task
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tasks
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 related
of
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to
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 the work
such
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 as posters, coding and mind maps. On
other
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the other
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 hand,
the
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digital methods may cause isolated communications
is
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in
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 different cases. It is
also
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 possible to say that, misspent a time for using an
apps
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app
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 in
the
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a
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 special event
such
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 as a family gathering.
Moreover
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, the negative aspect of
this
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 technology when a people isolate themselves and avoid face-to-face interaction to spend time
for
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in
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 contact with friends via smartphone.
For instance
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, using
a
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social media without applying control that will cause a social issue. In conclusion,
there
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it
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 is
no
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not
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 easy to answer
this
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 question. On balance,
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however
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however,
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 I tend to believe that, in our
life
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life,
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 there are different tools
make
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that make
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 it easy and helpful
we
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that we
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 must
used
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use
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 under control and rules.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument without any ambiguity. Revise the statement to make it more precise.
Coherence and Cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases and ensure that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Consider using more linking words for better transitions between points.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to reinforce your points, particularly when discussing the negative impacts of technology on social behavior.
Task Achievement
You clearly identify both sides of the argument, which is a good understanding of the task prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points well and provides a final opinion that ties back to the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fosters
  • social connections
  • instant messaging
  • online communities
  • support groups
  • interpersonal skills
  • deeper connections
  • emotional depth
  • loneliness
  • isolation
  • balance
  • real-life interactions
What to do next:
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