IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, many people suffer from health problems due to eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, it is more common to consume fast
food
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, which causes medical problems a lot.
Therefore
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, it is argued that governments should
imply
Verb problem
impose
show examples
 some additional
taxes
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 to reduce eating
this
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 kind of
food
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. I totally agree with
this
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 statement because high tax ratios could be used to encourage
people
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 to eat healthier options and
also
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, additional incomes could be used to improve healthcare systems diminishing health issues in society.
Firstly
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,
people
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 often tend to eat the cheapest alternative, which is fast
food
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, so high prices might deter them from unhealthy restaurants.
Moreover
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, cooking healthy meals takes so much time and
also
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 it is more expensive because of their ingredients. Imposing additional
taxes
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 might be more competitive in terms of the quality of foods.
For instance
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, there is a survey made by the Ministry of Health. Result of the survey indicates that if prices are stable for each type of restaurant,
people
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 tend to choose healthier ones. Second of all, central authorities could use the extra income to develop their medical infrastructures to serve better healthcare programs. Today, treatments might be expensive
due to
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 more complex medical devices because some hospitals do not have enough budget for spending money.
In addition
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, cities are over-populated which is why the capacity of hospitals should be enhanced through coming money from
taxes
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of
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on
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 fast
food
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. There is a research paper released by WHO, that says that the causes of most of the deaths are about unhealthy diets.
Accordingly
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, if the government could impose some
taxes
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 on fast
food
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 chains, avoiding deaths stemming from unhealthy foods be easier.
To conclude
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, imposing
taxes
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 might be fruitful to exceed some problems in society. Governments should encourage
people
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 not to consume
this
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 product.
Additionally
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,
this
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 income might be used to build new health facilities.

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language
Your introduction clearly lays out your opinion, which is great! However, consider refining the phrasing for clarity. For example, instead of 'imply some additional taxes', you might use 'implement higher taxes'.
content
In your second paragraph, while the points are relevant, the connection between taxes and encouraging healthier eating could be better articulated. You might also elaborate a bit more on the survey details to strengthen your argument.
cohesion
Consider smoothing transitions between paragraphs to enhance overall flow. For example, the phrase 'Second of all' could be replaced with 'Furthermore' or 'Additionally' for a more formal tone.
task achievement
Your essay effectively presents a clear stance on the issue, showcasing your agreement with imposing higher taxes.
coherence and cohesion
You provide a solid conclusion that summarizes your main points, reinforcing your argument well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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