IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Certain individuals believe that mother and father are responsible for providing education of becoming good humans for the world.
While
Linking Words
 others deem that they should learn moral ethics from the educational institute. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both statements and give my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, all
children
Use synonyms
 start their journey from home, and
Parents
Use synonyms
 are the first teachers of the
child
Use synonyms
. they are more connected with their
parents
Use synonyms
 than any other people.
Therefore
Linking Words
, from the beginning of their
life
Use synonyms
,
parents
Use synonyms
 give them a basic idea of
life
Use synonyms
, and
parents
Use synonyms
 have the moral responsibility of teaching
children
Use synonyms
 about social and cultural values.
Parents
Use synonyms
 teach them different things
such
Linking Words
 as giving respect to their elders, honesty, and discipline.
For example
Linking Words
, in countries like India,
parents
Use synonyms
 are strict and set rules for the betterment of the
child
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
 that
children
Use synonyms
 can become excellent humans for their surroundings and it is great for their development.
Hence
Linking Words
, several folk have the mindset that
parents
Use synonyms
 are the most responsible for the well-being of
children
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, some individuals have different thinking, they have a view that
child
Use synonyms
 spends more time in school so that they learn to do various activities. Nowadays, Not only education textbooks but schools
also
Linking Words
 guide them about the aspects of
life
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, educational institutes provide sex education to the student. In
this
Linking Words
 way, crime-related
child
Use synonyms
 abuse can be reduced. And
also
Linking Words
 it can bring positive change in the society. In my opinion, both schools and
parents
Use synonyms
 have to guide kids about their responsibilities to society and how to become an ideal person.
Children
Use synonyms
 are very naive and they need bits of advice in every step of
life
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, it requires getting lessons from the school and family.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
The essay could benefit from clearer linking phrases between points to enhance coherence. Consider using transitional words like 'moreover' or 'in addition' to better connect your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion could be stronger by summarizing the key points made in the essay instead of just stating your opinion. This helps reinforce your argument.
task achievement
While you discuss both views, try to elaborate more on the opposing viewpoint to provide a more balanced argument and deepen the discussion.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant, but they could be more specific or include a wider range to add depth to your argument. Aim to support your points with varied examples.
strength
The introduction sets a clear framework for the discussion, effectively stating the topic and a brief mention of both sides.
strength
Your personal opinion at the end of the essay nicely ties together the discussion, indicating a clear stance which is important for task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: