IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the academic success of students depends on the quality of their teachers. Others think it depends on the personal commitment and attitude of the students. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years , there has been a tremendous increase in the number of people with the perception that academic
succes
Correct your spelling
success
 depends on the level of the teacher.
while
Linking Words
 some may firmly
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that it is indeed the
quality
Use synonyms
 of the
educator
Use synonyms
 that
matter's
Change the noun form
matters
matter
show examples
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 critics
suchs
Correct your spelling
such
such
Linking Words
 as myself hold the
veiw
Correct your spelling
view
 that the personal dedication and attitude of the
students
Use synonyms
 is what
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a key role.
To begin
Linking Words
 , there is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 argument to be made that
students
Use synonyms
 from 3rd world
countrys
Correct your spelling
countries
 have seen to become doctors ,
designer
Fix the agreement mistake
designers
show examples
 and
physicits
Correct your spelling
physicists
physicist
.
For example
Linking Words
 , a data study done in 2020 showed that 51% of the doctors working worldwide came from
africa
Change the capitalization
Africa
show examples
, pakistan and
thailand
Change the capitalization
Thailand
show examples
 which are well-known 3rd world countries with not the best
educator
Use synonyms
 level.
This
Linking Words
 being the case , it is evident that it is not the
teachers
Change noun form
teacher's
teachers'
show examples
quality
Use synonyms
 that
matter's
Change noun form
matters
show examples
 but the
intreset
Correct your spelling
interest
 and passion of the
students
Use synonyms
 to learn despite their
enviorment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, it must be stated that having a
higher
Add a hyphen
higher-quality
show examples
quality
Use synonyms
educator
Use synonyms
 does have
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 perks.
For instance
Linking Words
,
A
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research done in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 showed that
students
Use synonyms
 who studied under more
knowlegable
Correct your spelling
knowledgeable
Use synonyms
educator
Fix the agreement mistake
educators
show examples
 performed 75% better than their counterparts who had teachers from weak
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 if the person
teching
Correct your spelling
teaching
 mathematics is a
well-know
Correct your spelling
well-known
show examples
 professor from
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 Ivy-league College , they would
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to easily explain the topic
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
educator
Use synonyms
 from a lower education level background would be able to. With
this
Linking Words
 in mind , there is no doubt that a well-informed education has
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
numerous advantages.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 some may feel that a
Use synonyms
students
Change to a genitive case
student's
show examples
 academic success is linked to the
quality
Use synonyms
 of their teacher ,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 myself included feel that a
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
student's
show examples
 own commitment and attitude is the biggest contributor to
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
 success.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Make sure to use proper punctuation and capitalization consistently throughout your essay. For example, 'In recent years,' should have no space after the comma, and '3rd world countries' should be spelled out as 'third world countries.'
coherence
Enhance your logical flow by clearly connecting your ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Use transition phrases to guide the reader and ensure smooth progression of your argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples that relate directly to your main points. While your examples are somewhat relevant, they could be more specific and clearly support your argument of student commitment.
task achievement
You presented two clear viewpoints in your essay, which is essential for this type of discussion prompt.
task achievement
Your essay includes some relevant examples, which demonstrate your understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: