IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You have chosen This will take you about 0 minutes STEP 1 - Read the task In the last decade, there has been a great increase in global air travel. What do you think are the reasons for this and do you think it is a good thing? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Obesity
Use synonyms
 has increased in recent years among children which brings risks and harms their health . There are a variety of reasons like lack of exercise and excessive using devices . To solve
this
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 issue schools and parents should work collectively. In
this
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 essay, I will outline the causes and the possible solutions .
To begin
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 with , there are different actions that kids usually do to cause diseases like
obesity
Use synonyms
 . One of them is spending most of the time at home ,
therefore
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 they do not do any exercises like playing football outdoors or even riding a bike ,which in turn leads to being overweight.
In addition
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 , young people nowadays are addicted to their devices
such
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 as smartphones and PlayStation, so they tend to use them excessively . All of
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this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
 of devices are required to stay in the same position with no action.
This
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 routine not only causes
obesity
Use synonyms
 but
also
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,causes diabetes . Regarding addressing
this
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 problem there are many effective ways to reduce the risk of overweight. First , parents play a significant role in children's lives , so they can control and change some bad habits ,
for instance
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 , the time of using phones should be limited ,
also
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 they can encourage them to play outside the house by buying a bike or ball . With regard to school , it very essential that schools create a supportive for kids to engage in different activities like movement competitions.
To sum up
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 ,it is true that
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
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 has continued to increase among younger over the
last
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 few years ,
however
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 , there are some reasons behind
this
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 issue that should not be overlooked .
Hence
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 the possible solutions to mitigate the risk of
obesity
Use synonyms
 should be by schools and parents together.

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Task Achievement
Try to develop your ideas more fully, providing more depth in your explanations and examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more cohesive devices to improve the flow of your writing. For example, transition words can help connect your ideas better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and punctuation, which can distract from your points.
Task Achievement
You have identified key reasons for the increase in obesity and proposed practical solutions, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in the overall coherence of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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