IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Zhazira.

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It is argued that announcement is exceedingly lucky at coaxing us to buy things,
while
Linking Words
 others say that sales promotion become common that we
do
Verb problem
are
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 not interested
to
Change preposition
in
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 it. It is agreed that marketing
is become
Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
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 widespread that we no longer pay attention to it,
while
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its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 attracting us to buy things that we do not need. On the one hand, sales
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
show examples
 become everywhere that it
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not affect us to buy things, it can be seen on the street,
social
Change preposition
on social
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 media, on the websites, and even by
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 who
recommend
Correct pronoun usage
recommend them
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. Because, these days the quality of clothes,
Correct word choice
and equipments
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equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 are not reliable or it has led to “advertising fatigue”.
For example
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, in large cities, where advertisements cover buses, buildings, and streets, people tend to overlook them because they are constantly surrounded  by them.
Instead
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 of focusing on ads, they may be more engaged with their phones or conversations.
On the other hand
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,
exhibition
Fix the agreement mistake
exhibitions
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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alo
Correct your spelling
also
 influence to book clothes, gadgets, and other needs for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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. Nowadays a lot of shops and services are attracting people to acquire objects by marketing.
Similarly
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, 
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
celebrities who recommend or announce to purchase, it often
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
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 for fans.
For instance
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, in Korea and other countries is common to publish
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
singers or actors, ordinary they attach their photos on
package
Fix the agreement mistake
packages
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 and
this
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 way
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
helps to provide their niche
further
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 all over the world.
However
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, obtaining items helps to boost our emotions and desires.
To sum up
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, providing ads in a different way can be useful for certain people, but not everyone.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas within paragraphs. Try to use clear topic sentences and transition words to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your opinion and outlines the main points you will discuss to create a clearer structure for your essay.
task achievement
Be sure to provide more structured examples for your points, ensuring they directly relate to the arguments presented to strengthen your discussion.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Some examples you provided are relevant and help in illustrating your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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