IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the govenrment is wasting money on art, and the money can be used for other aspects. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some governments allocate substantial financial resources to support
arts
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as museums,
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
 and public exhibitions.
However
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, some argue that
this
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 is an unnecessary expense, as there are more major priorities that require financial investment
such
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 as healthcare and
education
Use synonyms
. I fully agree that the authorities should focus on essential things that have a direct improvement on people's well-being. Indeed, there are several convincing reasons against
this
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 argument.
First,
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allocating money for the
arts
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 is an action of cultural preservation. Traditional art forms,
such
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 as folk music, historical architecture, and museums are important reflections of a nation’s identity or history. Without sufficient
fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
show examples
 and support from the authorities, many of these cultural treasures may disappear
due to
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 a lack of maintenance or interest among younger generations.
Secondly
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,
arts
Use synonyms
 industries are
also
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 beneficial for a nation’s economic growth by creating jobs and boosting local businesses. The art industry employs a wide range of professionals
such
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 as artists, musicians,
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
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 workers and event organizers.
However
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, I believe that there are more reasons to agree with the statement.
Firstly
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, there are more urgent priorities,
such
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 as healthcare and
education
Use synonyms
 that need to be considered. Public funds should be allocated to essential services that directly improve people’s quality of life.
For example
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, investing funds in the
education
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 sector ensures a higher quality of
education
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 for future generations.
Secondly
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, unlike basic needs
such
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 as food, shelter and security, art is considered a luxury rather than an essential need.
In contrast
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 to those fundamental needs, which are crucial for survival,
arts
Use synonyms
 primarily serve as a source of entertainment and cultural enrichment.
Furthermore
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, sponsorships, donations, and private investment can support the
arts
Use synonyms
 without relying on the government and taxpayer money. On the whole, I believe that allocating public funds for
arts
Use synonyms
 is a waste of money as there are more pressing issues that demand financial resources.
Therefore
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, the government should focus on critical areas that contribute to
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overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
 development and welfare of society.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly address both sides of the argument in your essay. While you did present the opposing view, consider providing a bit more depth on how art contributes to society.
coherence and cohesion
A more varied use of cohesive devices can enhance overall flow. You can use linking words and phrases more fluently to connect your ideas.
task achievement
Consider revising the phrasing in some areas to improve clarity. For example, 'art is considered a luxury rather than an essential need' could be rephrased to strengthen your argument.
positives
Your essay presents a clear opinion and follows a logical structure, with a firm introduction and conclusion.
positives
You did a good job at stating the economic benefits of the arts, which adds strength to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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