Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they age, while others think they should stay home with family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that many parents encourage their sons and daughters to leave the

house

Use synonyms

when they grow up,

While

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it is a commonly held belief that

this

Linking Words

is better for them, there is

also

Linking Words

an argument that staying in their family's home is the right decision.

This

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essay will analyse both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, leaving your parent's

house

Use synonyms

is essential to build an independent personality.

In other words

Linking Words

, getting out of your comfort zone will indeed force you to learn how to deal with everyday life's requirements.

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

decision will make you more comfortable when coming to serious responsibility in the future.

For example

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, financial management for those who left their home early is better than for those who stayed with their parents, as they had to manage to buy everything by themselves rather than depending on their parents.

On the other hand

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, young leaving their parent's

house

Use synonyms

at an early age may impair their studies. It is

also

Linking Words

possible to say that living alone

while

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studying is a difficult mission, as you will have to take care of both academic and life needs.

In addition

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this

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overwhelming task may cause stress and anxiety among younger people which

therefore

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will affect their academic performance causing

further

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problems in the future.

For instance

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, a teenager left his

house

Use synonyms

and moved to another city to complete higher education.

Thus

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, he had to cook for himself and buy things by himself,

as a result

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this

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distracted him from his studies as he failed to balance between these two things. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to

this

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question. On balance,

however

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, I tend to believe that leaving your

house

Use synonyms

at a young age is a dangerous but profitable decision to make.

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What works well

task achievement

The essay presents a balanced view on the topic, discussing both perspectives clearly.

task achievement

You have provided some relevant examples that support your points effectively.

Improvement Suggestions

coherence and cohesion

The introduction is generally clear, but try to make the thesis statement more explicit. It should clearly state your position.

coherence and cohesion

Consider using more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your ideas between sentences and paragraphs.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting points are directly related to that idea.

task achievement

Add more specific examples that relate directly to your argument to strengthen your points.

task achievement

Try to elaborate on your conclusion a bit more to tie your main points back to your opinion clearly.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

303 words

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Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they age, while others think they should stay home with family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

What works well

Improvement Suggestions

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some psychologists think that the best way to overcome the stress of everyday life is to spend a portion of the day doing absolutely nothing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that it is important for parents to tell or read stories for their children. Others think that parents don’t have to do this because there are many sources for children to read like books, comics and websites. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

Some people think that formal education should start for children as early as possibl. While others think that it should not start until 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your opinio.