Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they age, while others think they should stay home with family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that many parents encourage their sons and daughters to leave the

house

Use synonyms

when they grow up,

While

Linking Words

it is a commonly held belief that

this

Linking Words

is better for them, there is

also

Linking Words

an argument that staying in their family's home is the right decision.

This

Linking Words

essay will analyse both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, leaving your parent's

house

Use synonyms

is essential to build an independent personality.

In other words

Linking Words

, getting out of your comfort zone will indeed force you to learn how to deal with everyday life's requirements.

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

decision will make you more comfortable when coming to serious responsibility in the future.

For example

Linking Words

, financial management for those who left their home early is better than for those who stayed with their parents, as they had to manage to buy everything by themselves rather than depending on their parents.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, young leaving their parent's

house

Use synonyms

at an early age may impair their studies. It is

also

Linking Words

possible to say that living alone

while

Linking Words

studying is a difficult mission, as you will have to take care of both academic and life needs.

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

overwhelming task may cause stress and anxiety among younger people which

therefore

Linking Words

will affect their academic performance causing

further

Linking Words

problems in the future.

For instance

Linking Words

, a teenager left his

house

Use synonyms

and moved to another city to complete higher education.

Thus

Linking Words

, he had to cook for himself and buy things by himself,

as a result

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

distracted him from his studies as he failed to balance between these two things. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to

this

Linking Words

question. On balance,

however

Linking Words

, I tend to believe that leaving your

house

Use synonyms

at a young age is a dangerous but profitable decision to make.

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coherence and cohesion

The introduction is generally clear, but try to make the thesis statement more explicit. It should clearly state your position.

coherence and cohesion

Consider using more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your ideas between sentences and paragraphs.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting points are directly related to that idea.

task achievement

Add more specific examples that relate directly to your argument to strengthen your points.

task achievement

Try to elaborate on your conclusion a bit more to tie your main points back to your opinion clearly.

task achievement

The essay presents a balanced view on the topic, discussing both perspectives clearly.

task achievement

You have provided some relevant examples that support your points effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

303 words

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Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they age, while others think they should stay home with family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some people think the news has no connection to people's lives, so then it is a waste of time to read the news in the newspaper and watch television news programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

Government should spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than supporting professional sports and art performance for general public. Do you agree or disagree?

You had a problem with your next-door neighbor. You have not been able to speak to the neighbor about this. Write a letter to this neighbor.