IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With wonderful developments in medicine, life expectancy has increased by 30% in the last 50 years. What are the advantages and disadvantages of living longer lives?

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Nowadays
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 the massive increase in
medicine
Replace the word
medical
 technology,
people
Use synonyms
 argue about whether living
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 is a good thing or not
, there
Punctuation problem
. There
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 are some important benefits
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as spending
good
Correct word choice
apply
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time
Use synonyms
 with family.
Linking Words
nonetheless
Fix capitalization
Nonetheless
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, there are
also
Linking Words
 the negative aspects of living a longer live
such
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 as suffering from medical
conditions
Punctuation problem
conditions,
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 to be taken into consideration before deciding which point of view
weights
Use the right word
weighs
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 more than the other. There are many advantages of
surviving
Verb problem
living
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 to a long
age
Use synonyms
, the most important of which is that old
people
Use synonyms
nail
Use the right word
have
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 the opportunity to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with their families
more
Punctuation problem
, more
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 than
the mid-range
Correct word order
people of the mid-range age. It
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age
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
, it is common knowledge that
people
Use synonyms
 who live a long life
would
Verb problem
apply
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have spent an ages
besides
Linking Words
 their families.
This
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 is mainly because of the lack of responsibilities they have at that
age
Use synonyms
, they will
be probably retierds
Correct word order
probably be retired
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 and doing nothing but watching their kids grow up.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, old
people
Use synonyms
 will
got
Wrong verb form
get
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 the chance to see their children’s children grow up,
in other words
Linking Words
, they will see their grandchildren, which is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
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a gift from
God
Punctuation problem
God,
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 not anyone
recieve
Correct your spelling
receives
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, the greatest drawback of living to an infinite
age
Use synonyms
 is that you will be easily injured by a massive number of various diseases.
we
Fix capitalization
We
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 often hear from doctors that
as far
Rephrase
apply
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as a person
Use synonyms
age grow
Correct subject-verb agreement
ages
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, as far as diseases target them.
For instance
Linking Words
, when a teenager
catch
Correct subject-verb agreement
catches
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 a cold, it may
affects
Wrong verb form
affect
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 him for a couple of days
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it will be gone,
whereas
Linking Words
 when
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 old man
catch
Correct subject-verb agreement
catches
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 any
disease
Punctuation problem
disease,
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 it will likely have
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 impact on him or at least a way greater impact than
the
Change preposition
on the
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 young man.
Overall
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, personally, I firmly believe that the upsides of living a long
age
Use synonyms
 are definitely greater than the downsides, because spending good
time
Use synonyms
 with family and living to see your grandchildren are extremely
important
Punctuation problem
important,
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
 everyone will struggle with medical health at some point in life.

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task response
For task response, answer both sides in a more full way. Your essay has one good point for each side, but it needs a bit more depth.
task response
For task response, use clearer ideas. Some parts are hard to understand because of word choice and grammar.
task response
For task response, add more direct and real examples to support your main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make your sentences shorter and clearer. Some long sentences are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, use linking words more carefully. A few links are not natural or correct.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, keep one main idea in each body paragraph and explain it step by step.
task response
For task response, you answered both the advantages and disadvantages, and you gave your own opinion in the end.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are relevant to the topic: family time and health problems.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the order of ideas is easy to see in most parts of the essay.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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