IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Finally, more and more work has to be done by machines. Do you think the positive effects of this development outweigh the negative effects on individuals and society?

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These days, technology has been developing, so devices are the main items that do the final section of process in various industries. In my personal opinion,
this
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 fashion is a positive development owing to the fact that it affects productivity and the economy. On the one hand, the fact
that is
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 really important is that machines are the best items that enhance the quality of goods and boost efficiency inasmuch as they can do
work
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 faster than humans ,and they
work
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 in the long run without pose
while
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 people just
work
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 12 hours a day.
In addition
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, they are more accurate than humans in their
work
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 and their results are better.
For example
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, agricultural machinery harvests crops in less time and the trash that they produce is less than workers.
On the other hand
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, when companies use machines in their process, they do not need to spend a lot of budget on it.
In other words
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, gadgets just require money to fix and upgrade their versions, but when
this
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work
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 is done by employees, they need various items like salaries, prizes, and so on.
Moreover
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, the injuries that hurt humans in the workplace need a majority budget ;
as a result
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, employers have to spend a lot of money on sanitation and health services.
To sum up
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, in my personal opinion,
this
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 development has a positive influence on efficiency and corporations' financial status on account of the fact that the number of wasted goods and time is reduced.
Furthermore
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, the budget that repairing needs is less than workers' salaries and treatment.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear opinion, but it could be improved by explicitly mentioning both positives and negatives to set up your argument more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs transition smoothly by using linking words. This helps to guide the reader through your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
While you provided examples, they could be more detailed and varied to better illustrate your points and enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion, but it could be strengthened by briefly restating the main arguments for clarity and emphasis.
task achievement
You demonstrate a clear opinion on the topic and argue in favor of the use of machines in the workplace, which is important for task achievement.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples from agriculture and workplace expenses that relate to the main points of your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • automation
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • job displacement
  • hazardous
  • innovation
  • reskill
  • upskill
  • employment opportunities
  • routine tasks
  • machine learning
  • technology-driven
  • safety concerns
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