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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. what are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

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In recent times, the world's population has increased dramatically, which is a major problem faced by many. The main reasons behind
this
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 are advancements in the medical sector and declining mortality rates. I believe
this
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 is a serious issue for society and will negatively impact us in the future. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe there are several reasons why
people
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 live longer than in the past.
Firstly
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, advancements in the medical field have played a significant role. Nowadays, many
people
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 have become health-conscious
due to
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 various health issues, leading them to prefer regular check-ups for a healthier life.
Secondly
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, with the help of technology, the medical sector has advanced and developed various medicines that help
people
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 stay healthy and youthful for a long time.
For example
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,
according to
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 one survey, the mortality rate has declined by around 50%
due to
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 the regular intake of medicine.
On the other hand
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, some believe that
overpopulation
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 is the main issue faced by many today. One of the biggest problems is the rise in the unemployment rate. Many
people
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 struggle to find jobs
due to
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overpopulation
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, as every sector faces tough competition.
Moreover
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, the environment is
also
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 affected by
overpopulation
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, leading to greenhouse gas emissions and other environmental problems that negatively impact the planet. In conclusion,
Overpopulation
Use synonyms
 leads to increased unemployment and environmental degradation. Addressing these challenges requires strategies
such
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 as promoting sustainable resource use, enhancing access to education and family planning, and implementing policies that balance population growth with environmental and economic sustainability.

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Task Achievement
Clarify whether you think overpopulation is the greatest problem compared to other issues.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and provides a clear stance.
Task Achievement
Enhance the specificity of your examples for stronger support of your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples are provided to support key points, particularly in the medical advancements area.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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