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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich are becoming richer and the poor are even getting poorer. Some people think that governments are responsible for this issue, and others think it is the responsibility of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#gap #people #governments #responsibility #individuals
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The gap between the rich and the poor is getting wider. Some
people
 believe that
governments
 are responsible for
this
 problem,
while
 others think
individuals
 should take responsibility. In my opinion, the government has a greater role to play in solving
this
 issue.
People
 who think the government is responsible argue that policies and laws can create or reduce inequality.
Governments
 can use taxes to help balance the wealth. By taxing rich
people
 more, they can collect money to support public services like schools, hospitals, and social programs that help the poor.
Governments
 can
also
 make sure everyone gets a good education and healthcare. When everyone has access to these basic needs, it gives poor
people
 a better chance to improve their lives.
For example
, good schools can help children from low-income families get better jobs in the future.
On the other hand
, some
people
 believe
individuals
 are responsible for their own economic status. They argue that hard work and smart decisions can help
people
 succeed, regardless of their background.
For example
, getting a good education and learning new skills can open up better job opportunities.
People
 can
also
 start their own businesses. Entrepreneurship can lead to financial success and create jobs for others.
Additionally
, managing money wisely by saving and investing can help
individuals
 build wealth over time.
To sum up
,
while
individuals
 should work hard to improve their lives, the government needs to take the lead in addressing economic inequality. By using taxes to fund public services, ensuring access to education and healthcare, and regulating businesses,
governments
 can help create a fairer society where everyone has a chance to succeed.
Submitted by raufpasayev83 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will make your arguments more compelling and help to fully engage the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and contributes to your overarching argument. This will improve the coherence and logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both perspectives on the issue.
coherence cohesion
The points made are clear and well-organized, making it easy to follow the writer's argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion, providing a solid foundation and closing for the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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