IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Demand for food is increasing worldwide. What is the cause of this? What measures can the international community as well as the government take to meet this demand?

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in recent years, the increasing
demand
Use synonyms
 for
food
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 has become a pressing concern and requires immediate attention.
This
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 essay will discuss the main reasons behind the rising requirement for
food
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 and propose effective solutions to address it. There are several key reasons why the
demand
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 for
food
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 has emerged as a significant problem. One of the primary causes is the rise in
population
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, for which
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
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 is required to meet their demands.
For instance
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, in India, where the
population
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 is growing at a rapid rate, more
food
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 is needed to provide for their citizens.
Additionally
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, another major cause is international trade, which allows people to explore the delicious
food
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 of other cultures,
while
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 remaining
at
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in
show examples
 their home countries. To tackle
this
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 issue, several effective solutions can be implemented. One potential solution is the introduction of heavy taxes on international
food
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 coming into the country. The higher authorities can levy hefty amounts of taxes on the
food
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, which makes the
food
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 more expensive.
For instance
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, in India, where international
food
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 is costly, people are taking a step backwards.
This
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 approach would ultimately lead to less consumption of processed foods. Another possible solution is the restrictions on the number of growing inhabitants, by implementing restrictions on the surging people, it is possible to reduce the
demand
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 for increasing
food
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. In conclusion, the soaring
demand
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 for
food
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 stems from international trade and the growing
population
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 has led to several health diseases.
However
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, by implementing solutions
such
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 as heavy taxes and a ban on increasing
population
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, it is possible to mitigate
this
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 issue.

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task achievement
The essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the causes of food demand, including considerations like urbanization, changing dietary habits, and climate change. This would enhance the response to the task.
coherence and cohesion
Linking sentences more effectively and using a wider variety of cohesive devices would help improve the overall flow of the essay. Make sure that each point clearly connects with the next.
task achievement
Including more specific examples or data to back up your claims about the causes and solutions would strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could reference statistics about food demand projections or examples from other countries that have successfully managed their food supply.
structure
The introduction clearly states the intention of the essay, outlining the main topics to be discussed, which is a strong start to the writing.
argumentation
The attempt to provide solutions to the problem of increasing food demand shows critical thinking and a proactive approach, which is commendable.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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