IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Advantages and disadvantages that the retared people want to live abroad

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Many retired
people
Use synonyms
 are choosing to
move
Use synonyms
 abroad. I believe that
old
Correct article usage
the old
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 generation abroad moving decision
,
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apply
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 will prevent them from sense of loneliness.
Instead
Linking Words
 of sitting at home retired
people
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 start choosing other countries with better
climate
Fix the agreement mistake
climates
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 since warmer
climate
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climates
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 can be beneficial for their health ,
another
Correct word choice
and another
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country
Change noun form
country's
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 hospitality can be better than their
countries’
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country’s
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 medicine . Some
generation
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generations
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 have enough money for traveling. They like to experience new
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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,
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and language
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language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
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 as well.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 there is less stress cheaper life and
also
Linking Words
 they can relax so it can be one of the reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 want to
move
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
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 another country.
However
Linking Words
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adapting to a new culture and language can
occur
Verb problem
cause
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 some problems. Learning languages
in
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at
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this
Linking Words
 age isn’t easy so they might
be will
Verb problem
apply
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have language barriers. If some retired
couple
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couples
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move
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 abroad, their friends
couldn’t
Correct your spelling
won’t
 be able to
move
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 with them so they will
have
Verb problem
be
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distance
Replace the word
distant
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with
Change preposition
from
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 their friends
Correct word choice
and
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family as well.
Additional
Replace the word
Additionally
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 living abroad for retired
people
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 can be difficult with health
problem
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problems
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 so they can’t deal with it in another country’s hospitals. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 it is never
late
Rephrase
too late
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 to change the place where you
leave
Correct your spelling
live
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 to
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 place if they have a job that they can work anywhere and if they have enough money, why not?

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task achievement
Consider revising your introduction to clearly state the advantages and disadvantages of moving abroad for retired people. This will set a stronger framework for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to make your paragraphs more distinct by focusing on one main idea per paragraph. This will improve the clarity of your arguments and enhance the overall logical flow.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing benefits, you could mention popular countries retired people tend to move to and why.
coherence and cohesion
Improve sentence structure and grammar for better clarity. Some sentences are lengthy and could be simplified for easier reading.
task achievement
You effectively identified both the advantages and disadvantages of retired people moving abroad, demonstrating a balanced view of the topic.
task achievement
Your use of various reasons for moving, such as climate and cultural experiences, reflects good understanding of the topic and diversity in your response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
What to do next:
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