IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Media coverage of violent crime frightens people and encourages criminals. Some people say it should be banned from newspapers and TV programmes. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt that various
media
Use synonyms
 channels have introduced several violent
crimes
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some individuals believe that
media
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as newspapers and TV programmes should not present these types of felonies, as they can frighten
people
Use synonyms
 and motivate some to conduct these
crimes
Use synonyms
, others argue against that. In my opinion, the latter view is more realistic.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
people
Use synonyms
 have to know about these
crimes
Use synonyms
 to be more knowledgeable about them, taking their measurement against these violent practices.
In other words
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 educate themselves and their children about these felonies through
media
Use synonyms
 they will be able to protect themselves and know more about the characteristics of those criminals.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many TV shows have helped several individuals discover the signs that indicate a felony will be committed.
For example
Linking Words
,
BBC
Correct article usage
the BBC
show examples
 has a documentary that emphasises
crimes
Use synonyms
 and how
people
Use synonyms
 can know criminals, which has protected many
people
Use synonyms
’s lives. Another point to consider is that
present
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
these types of violent practices encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to participate in material
arts’
Change noun form
arts
show examples
 classes in order to defend themselves and their families when they face any type of
felonies
Fix the agreement mistake
felony
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 not only may help them to be more confident but
also
Linking Words
 boost their mental health status, as they may suffer from anxiety when they see
crimes
Use synonyms
 in the
media
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, introducing
crimes
Use synonyms
 through
media
Use synonyms
 can help a community to work together in order to prevent these
crimes
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in
middle
Capitalize word
Middle
show examples
 east countries,
people
Use synonyms
 support their country in order to catch
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals and educate each other to be united. In conclusion, the
media
Use synonyms
 has helped
people
Use synonyms
 to protect themselves and their relatives, allows them to learn martial arts to save their lives, and makes society united.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I am against prohibiting
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 from presenting those
crimes
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to strengthen the clarity of your central argument. Consider explicitly stating your thesis in the introduction to guide your reader more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Keep an eye on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. For instance, phrases like 'present these types of violent practices' could be improved in clarity.
task achievement
Consider adding a counterargument or addressing the opposing view more thoroughly to enhance your task response and showcase a balanced discussion.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples that help illustrate your points, such as the BBC documentary and the community efforts in the Middle East.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are well-structured, featuring clear topic sentences and supporting details, which aids in the overall coherence of the essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: