IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the best way to improve the overall general health of the public is to offer more sport facilities. Others say that this would have little effect and other measures are necessary to improve public health. Discuss both views.

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There has been widespread debate in recent years concerning whether
sports
Use synonyms
 activities or other methods are necessary to enhance wellness.
This
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 essay outlines how exercises could be essential for general well-being and
puts
Change the verb form
put
show examples
 forward other appropriate ways to develop general
health
Use synonyms
. Certain interested parties contend that sport
splay
Correct your spelling
play
show examples
 a crucial role in longevity and a healthy lifestyle. There is significant evidence, that
sports
Use synonyms
 improve
overall
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 body condition whether mentally or physically by burning calories that we get from foods. In the first place,
sports
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 can considerably alleviate stress-related illnesses,
such
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 as anxiety and depression.
Secondly
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, experts claim that people who do physical exercises,
such
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 as jogging and running, live longer and exposure less to chronic diseases in
contrastto
Correct your spelling
contrast to
 those who have sedentary lifestyles.
However
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, doing sport is essential. There are other, perhaps more important, approaches that improve
overall
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health
Use synonyms
. Having proper nutrition in diets can impact well-being dramatically.
In other words
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 ,the nutrition
that is
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 provided by a balanced food fuels the body, supports the immune system, and enhances mental clarity. Another potential approach is protecting our planet from pollution. In the
last
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 decades, the temperature of the earth has surged
due to
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 human activities.
This
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 issue is more likely to be the main cause of harming people's
health
Use synonyms
 systems. Reducing CO2 emissions and enlarging green areas are examples of how to protect the environment from pollution.
To conclude
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,
while
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 engaging in
sports
Use synonyms
 can influence an individual's
health
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 positively, other factors ,
such
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 as a balanced diet and overcoming global warming can
also
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 be potential ways that should not be ignored.

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task achievement
The introduction could clearly outline both sides of the debate more explicitly. Try to mention that some believe more sports facilities are essential while others advocate for alternative methods.
coherence and cohesion
Consider adding more cohesive devices to connect ideas smoothly. For instance, use phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to clarify contrasting views.
coherence and cohesion
Misspellings need correction, such as 'sports play' and 'contrasto'. Review for grammatical accuracy to enhance your score in this area.
task achievement
You provided thoughtful insights into both sides of the argument, showcasing an understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your overall stance, which is a strong aspect of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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