IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the governments should pay for healthcare and education, but others think that this is not the government’s responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In contemporary developed societies, whether
healthcare
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 and
education
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 should be entirely state-sponsored by the
government
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 or shared with
individuals
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 remains a matter of ongoing controversy. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate on both sides of the argument and elucidate the reasons why I lean toward the latter opinion. Notably, the perspective that the
government
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 should fully finance public
healthcare
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 and
education
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 may entail several benefits. The primary and evident advantage lies in the promotion of social equality that enables citizens from all socioeconomic backgrounds to
access
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 medical treatment and learning opportunities without financial barriers. Indubitably, when the state guarantees universal
access
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 to these essential
services
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, the population becomes healthier and better educated, which elevates
overall
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 well-being and national productivity, forming a skilled workforce that drives sustainable economic growth.
For instance
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, increasingly developing nations, namely Vietnam, where the
government
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 initiatives
such
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 as free
healthcare
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 for children under six and tuition reduction programs for low-income students have significantly improved
access
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 to basic
services
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 and reduced inequality across regions.
Conversely
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, the policy of fully subsidizing
healthcare
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 and
education
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 can confer significant drawbacks. The first tangible and prominent downside is the risk of overdependence on state resources, which may erode personal responsibility, leading to complacency and inefficiency in the use of public
services
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. Undoubtedly,
individuals
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 who receive medical and educational support at no cost may undervalue these provisions, resulting in waste and system strain. Another considerable drawback is the heavy fiscal burden placed on national budgets.
As a result
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, excessive public spending on welfare sectors may divert funds from infrastructure, innovation, or defense, thereby restricting long-term economic flexibility. In conclusion,
although
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 state-funded
healthcare
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 and
education
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 can foster equality and enhance national well-being, fully subsidizing these sectors may inadvertently cultivate dependency and fiscal imbalance.
Therefore
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, I believe that
while
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 governments should guarantee fundamental
access
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 to these essential
services
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,
individuals
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 ought to share part of the financial responsibility to ensure efficiency, sustainability, and a balanced public budget. In conclusion,
while
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 state-funded
services
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 can promote equality, excessive reliance may strain national budgets. Considering the aforementioned reasoning, I am firmly of the opinion that
this
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 phenomenon is an incontrovertible instrument for achieving a balanced system where both the
government
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 and
individuals
Use synonyms
 share responsibilities.

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structure
Make each idea in its own paragraph with a clear one-idea focus and a simple link to the next idea.
style
Use shorter sentences and plain words to keep the flow easy to read.
examples
Add a few real and small examples to show the point.
lexical resource
Avoid long, hard words; stick to common terms so the meaning stays clear.
content
The writer gives both views and clearly states own opinion.
coherence
Links show contrast well, helping flow from one idea to another.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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