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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative trend?

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Nowadays,
children
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 daily prefer to spend their time with
gadgets
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. They like to play with their phones because
gadgets
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 serve many activities to choose from small advanced technology in their hands. Many people argue that
this
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 trend produces a positive impact, and I personally agree with the idea, that spending time with their
gadgets
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 provides positive benefits for
children
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. There are many reasons
children
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 like to play on their
smartphones
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 during daily activities.
Gadgets
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 allow kids to access many tools that help them increase their ability with their study and social.
Smartphones
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 offer many advanced applications to help
children
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 count, read, and sing easily with attractive pictures, sounds, and videos.
In addition
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,
smartphones
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 have become a trend because of small, pocketable, and light, which makes them easy to bring anywhere.
For example
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, in Singapore, before COVID-19, the government suggested schools offer students laptops, which are very heavy, but after the pandemic,
smartphones
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 have developed faster and are capable of supporting
children
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's improvement.
Therefore
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,
smartphones
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 benefit
children
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 more than drawbacks.
Smartphones
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 improve minors' desire to read faster in order to understand everything they find on their phones.
Moreover
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,
children
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 become more tech-expert and digital literacy at a young age, and that helps them develop essential digital skills that are important in modern education.
For instance
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, in Japan, has research found that
children
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 with enhanced digital knowledge, tend to have better skills for absorbing new knowledge in their daily lives. In conclusion, minors prefer to spend their time with their
smartphones
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 because has a positive impact on them. It helps them with their knowledge and their ability to prepare for future technology development.

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task achievement
Ensure that all your arguments are clearly explained and supported with relevant examples throughout the essay. Additionally, focus on making connections between your ideas to enhance the overall flow.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical structure of your essay by clearly separating your main points into distinct paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence to enhance clarity.
content
You have successfully identified positive aspects of smartphone usage for children, which aligns with the essay prompt.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital devices
  • smartphone addiction
  • online interactions
  • developmental impact
  • physical health
  • mental well-being
  • academic performance
  • parental supervision
  • proliferation of apps
  • engaging content
  • excessive use
  • sedentary lifestyle
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