IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Change is inevitable and is obvious in every field say, education, science, even in methods of performing our daily activities. It is seen that over the period of time, small businesses have been replaced by large businesses. In
this
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 essay, I will shed light on how
this
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 change has been advantageous to the community.
To begin
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 with the advantages of bigger shopping malls, the first and foremost advantage is they provide a variety of goods. An individual can get all the items under one roof from groceries to clothes.
For instance
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, shopping stores have different sections for all the needs
such
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 as groceries, toiletries, stationary, kitchen appliances etcetera.
Thus
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, one can get all the things needed from one store only and it saves the time of the buyer.
Secondly
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, bigger stores allow better job opportunities. These stores are high maintenance and have so many employment options in different departments
such
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 as security, cleaning staff, billing staff, salespeople and many more.
Hence
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, it helps in reducing the unemployment rate.
Although
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, these marts
also
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 provide good offers and discounts on every purchase. To exemplify, there are end-of-season sales, offers like buy1 get 1 free and so on.
On the contrary
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, shutting down
of
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apply
show examples
local shops has resulted in financial loss for many common people. In some cases, these outlets were the only source of bread.
However
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, some people still prefer to purchase from these shops as city shopping centres are distant from their homes and they find it convenient to buy from local vendors.
To conclude
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,
this
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 development has both positive and negative impacts. But to keep pace with fast-moving life, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of the development.

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task achievement
While your main points are relevant, consider expanding on them with further details or examples to enhance clarity and depth.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, but improving the connection between ideas with more linking words would enhance flow and coherence.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, which adds depth to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction sets a clear direction for the essay, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • community character
  • specialized products
  • homogenized
  • local economy
  • circulating
  • variety
  • convenient
  • social hubs
  • infrastructure
  • traffic congestion
  • pollution
  • energy consumption
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