It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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There is an inadequate proportion of students enrolling in science-related majors in many nations. The reasons are
due to
the fact that there have been limited guidance and career aspirations for youths, and many tend not to perform well in subjects,
such
as maths, physics, and chemistry. Once
this
issue is left unsolved, it will impede the
overall
development of the society. One of the major causes leading to the insufficient number of students taking science-related courses is the availability of role models. High school pupils are considered immature, and without charismatic role models to inspire them, they are not aware of what they want to become when they grow up or the career they wish to take on after graduation.
Furthermore
, a more critical issue is the fact that science subjects are usually hard to master. Mathematics, physics and chemistry require complex thinking and understanding in order to learn and pass the test. As illustrated in the official result of the recent national examination in Cambodia, a majority of grade 12 students did not obtain good marks for these science-related subjects, with many ended up with a barely passing score.
This
would have negative implications for societal development. When there are not many people with knowledge and skills in sciences, not many innovations will be pioneered, and
then
not many inventions will be created to ease the daily life of individuals, a core mission of scientists in general.
For example
, unlike in Israel where cutting-edge agricultural tools and machines were developed, Cambodia remains using its traditional labour-intensive approaches to perform its agricultural-related tasks and relies heavily on rainwater to grow crops. In conclusion, two major causes of an insufficient proportion of pupils studying science courses are the availability of role models and the difficulty level of comprehending the course contents, and if
this
problem continues to persist, it will greatly affect the societal development of each nation.
Submitted by emteeme on

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coherence cohesion
Expand on your introduction by giving a brief statement on the importance or relevance of the topic to society.
task achievement
Your main points are clear, but you can enhance them by expanding with more specific examples or further explanations.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You have clearly addressed both the causes and effects as required by the task.
coherence cohesion
The conclusions you draw are logical and well-supported by your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math)
  • Perception of difficulty
  • Early exposure
  • Engaging experiences
  • Career opportunities
  • Practical applications
  • Financial constraints
  • Cultural norms
  • Critical fields
  • Innovation
  • Economic development
  • Global competitiveness
  • Public health
  • Environmental issues
  • Scientific progress
  • Educational standards
  • Biodiversity loss
  • Healthcare services
  • Medical research
  • Job prospects
  • Research and technology
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