IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

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In recent years, many countries have witnessed a noticeable rise in
crime
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 rates.
This
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 essay will examine the primary causes behind
this
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 phenomenon and propose potential measures to tackle these issues effectively. One of the foremost factors contributing to the increase in
crime
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 is economic disparity. High levels of unemployment and poverty often force individuals to seek alternative, sometimes illegal, ways to secure financial stability. When people are unable to access legitimate means of earning a living,
crime
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 becomes an attractive option for some.
Furthermore
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, economic hardships can lead to social unrest, which may create an environment where criminal
behavior
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behaviour
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 is more readily tolerated or even encouraged. Another significant cause is the deterioration of family structures and
community
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 bonds. In societies where traditional family support is weakened by factors
such
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 as divorce, single-parent households, or migration, young people may lack proper guidance and supervision.
This
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 absence of a stable support network makes them vulnerable to negative influences
such
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 as peer pressure, gang affiliations, and drug abuse. Urbanization
further
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 exacerbates
this
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 issue; in large cities, the anonymity and isolation that often accompany rapid urban growth diminish
community
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 cohesion, reducing the collective capacity to monitor and discourage antisocial
behavior
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behaviour
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. To address these challenges, governments and communities must adopt a multifaceted approach. Economic interventions,
such
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 as job creation, vocational training, and improved access to education, can alleviate financial hardships and reduce the incentive to engage in criminal activities. Simultaneously, social policies aimed at strengthening family units and revitalizing
community
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 networks—
such
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 as after-school programs and
community
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centers
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centres
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—can provide the necessary support for at-risk individuals.
Additionally
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, implementing robust rehabilitation programs and mental health services is crucial in preventing
crime
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 and aiding the reintegration of offenders into society. In conclusion, the rise in
crime
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 is a multifaceted issue with roots in economic inequality, weakening family structures, and
community
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 disintegration. Addressing these causes through comprehensive economic, social, and rehabilitative strategies is essential for reducing
crime
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 and fostering safer communities worldwide.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or case studies to support your points about the causes of crime and the effectiveness of proposed solutions. This could enhance the relevance and specificity of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay is well-structured, adding more transitional phrases could improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas. This will enhance the overall coherence of your work.
task achievement
Explore one or two additional causes of crime, such as substance abuse or the impact of technology on crime, to develop a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear and logical structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs addressing key points, and a strong conclusion.
task achievement
The analysis of economic disparity and family structures as causes of crime shows a deep understanding of social dynamics.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • propensity
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitative
  • judicial system
  • corruption
  • socioeconomic
  • alienation
  • stigmatization
  • decriminalization
  • enforcement
  • gentrification
  • preemptive measures
  • intervention strategies
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