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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some children spend hours evory day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays, many
children
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 spend hours every day on their
smartphones
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. There are several reasons for
this
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.
While
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smartphones
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 are useful, from my perspective,
children
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 should not use them on a regular basis.
First,
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smartphones
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 offer many fun activities,
such
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 as games, videos, and social media. These things can keep
children
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 entertained for a long
time
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.
Second,
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some parents are very busy with work and other responsibilities, so they allow their
children
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 to use
smartphones
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 to keep them occupied.
Third,
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smartphones
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 are
also
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 used for studying. Many schools and teachers give online homework, and
children
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 need phones to complete their tasks.
However
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, spending too much
time
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 on
smartphones
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 can have both positive and negative effects. On the positive side,
smartphones
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 help
children
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 learn new things. They can watch educational videos, read books, and even learn new languages. They can
also
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 stay connected with friends and family through messaging apps.On the negative side, using
smartphones
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 for many hours can be harmful. It can affect
children
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’s health by causing eye strain, headaches, and poor posture. It can
also
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 make them less active because they spend less
time
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 playing outside.
Moreover
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, too much screen
time
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 can affect their social skills.
Instead
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 of talking to people in real life, they may prefer chatting online. In conclusion, parents should set
time
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 limits and encourage other activities like reading, playing outside, and spending
time
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 with family.
This
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 way,
children
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 can have a healthy balance between technology and real life.

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task achievement
Try to elaborate on your points with more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure smoother transition between paragraphs by using linking words or phrases, which could enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, discussing both sides of smartphone use for children effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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