IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that children should be educated at school about paying taxes and personal budgeting in order to help them better manage their finances when they are older. Others think that parents should teach these things, and that children will understand taxes and how to spend money carefully through life experience in the future. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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While
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 many people consider that infants should be trained about the financial concepts in their school with the aim of making better decisions in their maturities others think that it is the responsibility of their parents. In
this
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 essay, I will talk about both points of view. For one side, it is important that the school provides the students with all the money concepts, in order to get a better understanding or overview of the economic system.
For instance
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, some universities in Canada have entrepreneurial environments that allow the participants to develop their ideas, get sponsorship with the capex and support with accountabilities of the project.
On the contrary
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, countries undeveloped and industrialized prepared their scholar with an emphasis on a technical approach.
Therefore
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, the academic program should provide enough slots and create an environment where the scholar can put into practice all these notions and stay ready for the future.
On the other hand
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, the parents play an important role in matters related to monetary management.
For example
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, at the average home in Canada, there are a lot of bills to pay and basic needs to fulfil.
Moreover
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, the majority of families have different economic blueprints,
such
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 as bay a house, business or farmer, which represent an approach to the evaluation project conception, making decisions and evaluating all costs in the lifecycle like taxes and so on.
Consequently
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, involving the offspring could be interesting and get experience for the future. To summarize,
Due to
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 the nowadays relevance of learning about finances, I totally agree that whether from the schools or from their families, the pupils get early the concepts and experiences.
Furthermore
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, the person in charge and the teacher must facilitate the information, approach, and needed environment in order to achieve the goals.

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task achievement
Try to provide more concrete examples or elaborate further on how schools can educate children about financial management, beyond just stating that they should.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all main ideas are clearly explained and linked back to the main argument of whether children should learn financial matters at school or home.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument and provides an overall opinion in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and sets a balanced tone for discussing both perspectives.
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