IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view

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Many individuals believe that the government is wasting
money
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 on the arts rather than other important things like
subsidies
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 and infrastructure. I strongly agree with the statement because
art
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 does not play a vital role in
society
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 rather affects it negatively.
In addition
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 to that, the
money
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 wasted can
also
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 be used for compensating other important
subsidies
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 like solar panels and irrigation facilities for farmers.
Firstly
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,
art
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 does not play an important role in the shaping of
society
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 in a positive way rather it has a negative impact. Nowadays, a lot of teenagers are attracted to the drugs and violence
that is
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 promoted in music and paintings. Which leads to an increase in the number of drug and ammunition users.
This
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 disturbs the decorum in the country and negatively impacts the
society
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.
For example
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, most rappers in the USA glorify the drugs and arms culture leading to an increase in both drug abuse and gun violence.
Secondly
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, the
money
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 used to preserve or restore
art
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 should be used to compensate for other important
subsidies
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 like installing solar panels and providing proper irrigation facilities.
Such
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subsidies
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 motivate individuals to take a step towards the
overall
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 development of the nation.
This
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 can
also
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 help in making a better and more suitable environment for the individuals of that country.
For instance
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, there has been an increase in solar panel users after the announcement of the
subsidies
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 by the government. Which leads to less pollution and energy wastage. In conclusion, I strongly agree that the government should not waste
money
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 on
art
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 because
art
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 is affecting
society
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 negatively by influencing people to use drugs and weapons,
In addition
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, the
money
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 can be used for
subsidies
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, that help in the
overall
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 development of the nation and environment.

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task achievement
Consider providing a counterargument in your essay to demonstrate an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
coherence
Ensure that your ideas flow smoothly from one point to another; using transitional phrases can help in this regard.
coherence
Make sure to clearly define the main points in your conclusion and re-emphasize the key arguments made throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your position on the topic is clear and you provide a strong opinion throughout the essay.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples to support your arguments, particularly concerning the impact of music on society.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
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