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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that the fittest and strongest individuals and teams always success in sports. Others think that success in sports depends on mental attitudes. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

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From the past to the present, mental and physical
strength
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, are
both
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 two important factors for being successful.
Moreover
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, many people, especially
athletes
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, invest a lot of time, trying to strengthen these two. There are two different points of view about succeeding in sports, in which one of them is to spend more time exercising and improving physical measures, and the other consists of more activities for upgrading mental issues. In
this
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 essay,
both
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 points of view about mental and physical methods are being discussed, and
both
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 related examples are going to be mentioned.
Firstly
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, lots of people believe that
,
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apply
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 the more time the
athletes
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 or sports teams spend on upgrading their physical stability, the more successful they become.
For instance
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, taking a quick look at Cristiano Ronaldo's life and noticing his awards and honours, it is obvious that his hard work and his limitless practice for body
strength
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,
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apply
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 played an important role in his journey.
However
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, there are many decent athlete or teams, but beyond their hard work, they do not gain the honours they deserve.
Overall
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, there are several examples that show us the effect of physical improvement for
athletes
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 on their
success
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.
On the contrary
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, many people, think that mental
strength
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 is enough for
success
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.
For instance
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, Lionel Messi, the biggest football player in the world, beyond his struggle for physical improvement, had very strong mental behaviour.
Additionally
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, without mental
strength
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, not only he could not achieve most of his trophies, but
also
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 would not be the most honoured player worldwide. In brief, mental
strength
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 can
also
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 affect the path of
success
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 for different players and teams.
Finally
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, in my point of view, there should be a balance between
both
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 issues. Likely, if there is no mental power, even the strongest player will lose his or her mind,
also
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, without physical power, there would not be any
success
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 for
athletes
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.
Accordingly
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, an optimum value for
both
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 of them should be obeyed, so it will result in
success
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 for them.
To sum up
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,
both
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 theories that have been discussed are important and paying attention to just one of them can lead
athletes
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 to lose their professional lives.
Furthermore
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, they should plan for a balanced lifestyle and practice, which is considering
both
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 sides. An optimum decision can lead them to
success
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow of your paragraphs. Consider using linking words and phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that your conclusion clearly summarizes your main points and provides a definitive stance on the issue, rather than being slightly vague.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to give them more detail and context. This adds depth to your arguments and makes your points more compelling.
task achievement
You present relevant examples of famous athletes to support your arguments, which adds credibility to your points.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both perspectives, showing that you understand the complexity of the topic, which is a strong point.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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