IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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College
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
 must intake balanced admission of men and
women
Use synonyms
 undergraduates in all modules. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, as it can bring equality among teenagers and thereby
reduces
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduce
show examples
 consequences
such
Linking Words
 as fights and other uni problems in the long run.
Equvalent
Correct your spelling
Equivalent
 student population in a school shows its respect towards both genders which presents their
overall
Linking Words
admisitrative
Correct your spelling
administrative
 strength. Accepting alike peers together will help them to reduce
descrimination
Correct your spelling
discrimination
 and gender
unequalities
Correct your spelling
inequalities
 which
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 been a problem for several decades. Implenting them can
decline
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 tension and
therefore
Linking Words
 a
peacefull
Correct your spelling
peaceful
 community is been developed from a young age.
For instance
Linking Words
, earlier
women
Use synonyms
 were not allowed to learn as men believed that their general IQ
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 weak and
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 not be suitable for courses but nowadays the situation has changed where girls and boys
together undertook
Wrong verb form
undertake
show examples
schooling
Change the verb form
to school
show examples
and
Rephrase
together and
show examples
 are treated equally.
This
Linking Words
 example
clears
Replace the word
clearly
show examples
represent
Correct subject-verb agreement
represents
show examples
 a viewpoint in which
women
Use synonyms
 had gotten the right to educate which in return reduces gender problems and
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
 ego. To add on, providing
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 opportunity to people regardless of their sex is a way a good society and proper future is prepared. Educating equally without
favorism
Correct your spelling
favouritism
 can reduce many fights and conflicts in a school.
Firstly
Linking Words
, people often
belived
Correct your spelling
believed
believe
 that
enginnering
Correct your spelling
engineering
 and computer science are men
fielded
Wrong verb form
field
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and
women
Use synonyms
 should be avoided but the situation
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
changed
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 both coworkers collid to work
this
Linking Words
 applies to fashion and modelling where females bodies were more preferred
however
Linking Words
, currently there are more males in modelling and beauty work. Welcoming all people
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 any
courses
Fix the agreement mistake
course
show examples
 is a way to decrease superiority and to enhance equality.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I completely agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 my assertion that administrative authority should intake uniform children in spite of their pronouns.
This
Linking Words
 can implement peace and unity among the class which lessen priority pressure and egoism among each other.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement is clear and directly addresses the topic prompt. Clearly state your position in the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing paragraphs more logically. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence and maintain focus on a single main idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be mindful of spelling and grammar errors, as they can distract the reader and affect comprehension. Proofreading for these issues could improve your score significantly.
Task Achievement
You have provided a clear position in support of gender balance in university admissions, which is important for task response.
Task Achievement
You included personal opinions and examples, which help illustrate your perspective and engage with the reader.
Task Achievement
Your points about changing perceptions towards gender roles in education are relevant and highlight a significant societal issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
What to do next:
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