IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some young people are watching television for long periods of the day. Why do they do this? Give reasons and suggest what should be done to encourage them to live more active lifestyle.

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It is becoming increasingly common for young
people
Use synonyms
 to spend long hours watching television each day.
This
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 essay will explore the reasons behind
this
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 trend and will suggest several measures that can help motivate them to adopt a more active lifestyle. There are several reasons why young
people
Use synonyms
 are spending so much time in front of screens.
Firstly
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, modern entertainment platforms
such
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 as streaming services offer endless content
that is
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 specifically designed to be engaging and addictive.
As a result
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, many teenagers find it hard to stop watching once they start.
Secondly
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, academic pressure and busy school schedules often leave them mentally exhausted, and television becomes an easy escape that requires little effort or interaction.
Lastly
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, in some cases, a lack of safe outdoor spaces in urban areas contributes to
this
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 sedentary
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. To encourage a more active lifestyle, both parents and policymakers have important roles to play.
Firstly
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, parents should set limits on screen time and encourage physical activities
such
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 as sports, hiking, or even simple family walks.
Furthermore
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, schools can incorporate more outdoor education and physical exercise into their daily routines, making it a regular habit rather than an occasional activity. On a broader level, governments should invest in creating more accessible parks and sports facilities that are safe and appealing for young
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the excessive amount of time young
people
Use synonyms
 spend watching television is mainly
due to
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 easy access to digital content, mental fatigue, and limited outdoor options.
However
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, with the combined efforts of families, schools, and governments, we can promote healthier habits and help the younger generation lead a more active and balanced lifestyle.

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Task Response
Your essay presents a clear and relevant response to the task. You thoroughly explore the reasons behind young people watching television and suggest effective measures to encourage a more active lifestyle.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph flows well into the next, creating a cohesive reading experience.
Task Achievement
While you provide good examples of actions that can be taken, adding a few specific statistics or studies related to screen time might enhance the relevance of your examples.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively identifies various reasons for the behavior and offers practical solutions, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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