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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that government should control the amount of violation in films and on television to control crimes in society How far do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In today’s rapidly changing world, the portrayal of violence in films and on television has become a subject of heated debate.
While
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 some people argue that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should strictly control violent content to reduce crime in society, others contend that
such
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 regulation would infringe on artistic
freedom
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 and limit creative expression. I firmly believe that a balanced approach is necessary because of the need to protect vulnerable audiences and preserve creative
freedom
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. One significant reason supporting
this
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 view is that excessive exposure to violent content can desensitize individuals and potentially lead to aggressive
behavior
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behaviour
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.
This
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 is primarily because repeated exposure to violent imagery may normalize aggressive responses, especially among younger audiences.
For instance
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, some psychological studies suggest that prolonged exposure to violent media can increase the likelihood of aggressive
behavior
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behaviour
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 in certain contexts.
Thus
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,
this
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 factor clearly demonstrates the need for moderate regulation to safeguard societal well-being. Another important aspect to consider is the preservation of artistic
freedom
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 and the expression of diverse cultural narratives.
This
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 factor is crucial because imposing overly strict controls could stifle creativity and limit the exploration of complex social issues.
For example
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, many critically acclaimed films and television shows that tackle sensitive subjects might be hindered by heavy-handed censorship, thereby depriving society of important social commentary.
Consequently
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,
this
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further
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 emphasizes the complexity of the issue and the necessity for a nuanced approach that balances public safety with
freedom
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 of expression. In summary, the debate over regulating violent content in media highlights both the need
for protecting
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to protect
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 society and the importance of preserving creative
freedom
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.
This
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 leads to the conclusion that
while
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 some government intervention may be beneficial, it should be carefully calibrated to avoid stifling artistic innovation.
Therefore
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, addressing
this
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 issue effectively could have profound benefits for both societal well-being and cultural development.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis statement. This will enhance the logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or data to reinforce your arguments, particularly in the discussion about desensitization and aggression. This could make your points more compelling.
task achievement
While your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, adding a call-to-action or a suggestion for future action regarding media regulation could strengthen your closing argument.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets up the debate and presents your thesis clearly, showcasing a nuanced understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The balance you provide between the need for regulation and the importance of creative freedom is well articulated, demonstrating a complex perspective.
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