IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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A few individuals believe that it is much
more
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apply
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better to play in teams,
such
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 as football, as it can develop an ability to work in groups,
while
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 others argue that playing
sports
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 individually, like swimming is more beneficial, as it creates discipline . Both views have their merits and the essay will discuss them before presenting my own opinion.
To begin
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 with,
team
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sports
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 play a crucial role in enhancing social and teamwork abilities.
That is
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 to say, when individuals participate in games,
such
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 as football, basketball or other ones , they learn the importance of communication, coordination and trust.
Hence
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, these are essential life skills that can benefit a person not only in
sports
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 but
also
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 in his personal life.
For example
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, in an interview, Cristiano Ronaldo described how he learned to catch the ball during his childhood. At
first,
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he struggled to work with others and tried to play on his own.
However
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, over time, with the help of his coach and teammates, he learned how to communicate effectively and trust others to do their part during games.
On the other hand
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, activities like swimming, gymnastics and tennis often require a high level of self-discipline, focus and feeling of being independent. In that situation, sportsmen must take full responsibility for the results and consequences.
For instance
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, BBC researchers have illustrated that 79% of individual athletes chose solo
sports
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 because, during matches, they cannot rely on teammates and must make quick decisions by themselves. In conclusion, both
team
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 and individual
sports
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 offer unique benefits.
Team
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sports
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 help individuals develop vital social and communication skills,
while
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 individual
sports
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 foster independence, focus and self-discipline. In my opinion,
team
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sports
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 are slightly more beneficial
overall
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, as they not only improve physical fitness but
also
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 improve community and social engagement.
Furthermore
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,
while
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 playing with groups, athletes can easily become best friends,
while
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 talking and acting on the coach with each other.

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grammar
Avoid using phrases like 'much more better' as they are grammatically incorrect. Use 'much better' or simply 'better'.
content
Expand on your examples to provide more context or details that demonstrate your points.
lexical resource
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to describe your ideas, as it can make your writing more engaging.
coherence
Ensure that your arguments are logically developed and linked to improve flow; perhaps use transition phrases.
content
The essay presents clear views from both sides of the argument.
coherence
It has a well-defined introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your overall opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • team spirit
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • leadership
  • trust
  • collective responsibility
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • self-discipline
  • goal setting
  • tailored development
  • flexibility
  • social support
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