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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

More and more people today are becoming overly dependent on the internet and phones. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, the majority of
people
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 are addicted to
technology
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.
This
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 situation presents both advantages and disadvantages.
However
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, with the right strategies, the benefits can be maximized
while
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 the drawbacks are minimized. On the one hand, there are several notable disadvantages that need to be considered. A major drawback is that many school
students
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 are focusing on video games on computers or phones, which leads to wasting time on unnecessary activities.
This
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 can cause various problems,
such
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 as health issues and poor education. If young
people
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 spend too much time on
technology
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, they may struggle to find suitable jobs in the future, which can result in a lower quality of life.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 significant advantages. One of the key benefits is that
students
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 who do not fully understand a topic after lectures or seminars can use
technology
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 to do
further
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 research. Many
students
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 use the Internet to gather information for assignments and presentations. It is a very useful source for comparing statistics and understanding different perspectives. Artificial intelligence (AI)
also
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 helps
students
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 and teachers access information quickly and efficiently. Another benefit of using
technology
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 is communication.
People
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 can easily stay in touch with their relatives using various applications.
For example
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, many
people
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 have family members or friends living abroad for work or study. They can communicate through video calls using platforms like WhatsApp, Zoom, or Telegram. In conclusion,
this
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 situation has both pros and cons.
However
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, with effective measures, the benefits can outweigh the drawbacks. A balanced approach can help maximize the positive effects
while
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 minimizing the negative consequences.

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task achievement
While the introduction sets the context well, you could reinforce your position more clearly regarding the advantages and disadvantages. Additionally, ensure that your conclusion reflects this position more emphatically.
coherence
Consider including a more distinct topic sentence for each paragraph to clearly indicate the main point being discussed. This would enhance the clarity and flow of your argument.
task achievement
Try to incorporate a few more specific examples or statistics to solidify your points further. This can make your arguments more convincing and complete.
content
Your essay presents a well-balanced view of the topic, addressing both advantages and disadvantages effectively.
content
The use of examples, particularly regarding communication tools, adds depth to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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