IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe arts such as painting and music cannot directly improve the quality of people's lives so that government money should be spent on other things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many individuals argue that arts like music and drawing do not have a direct impact on people’s quality of life and
therefore
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, the government's funds should be allocated
elsewhere
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. The essay will strongly disagree with the statement, as these kinds of hobbies help society to reduce
stress
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 and improve emotional well-being,
moreover
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, it develops creative thinking.
To begin
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 with, engaging in
art
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 has a positive impact on people's emotional state and helps reduce
stress
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 levels.
That is
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 to say, when a person engages in creative activities, whether it is drawing, music, sculpting, or other forms of
art
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, they can forget about daily problems, worries and
stress
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, immersing themselves in the process and finding relief in it.
For example
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, an interview from Fist Chanal with an artist, named Camil from an Arbat street in Moscow who reflected on questions about the meaning of creativity and the ideas behind drawing passersby in his own style. He explained that it helps them heal from depressive moods and cope with the loss of a loved one.
On the other hand
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,
art
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 helps to encourage creative thinking by allowing people to look at things from new perspectives.
Furthermore
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, through creating
art
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, they can break away from everyday thinking and use their imagination, leading to fresh ideas and a better understanding of themselves.
For instance
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, Dr. Jack works at hospital number 107 in Moscow. One day, he decided to take up photography to relax and see the world from a different perspective. During the process, he began to pay attention to details that he usually overlooked.
As a result
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, it allowed him to perceive his surroundings in a new way. In conclusion, artwork plays a vital role in reducing
stress
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, improving emotional well-being, and fostering creative thinking.
Hence
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, the government have to support the development of it by money.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more nuanced perspective in your introduction by acknowledging opposing views briefly. This will enhance your argument's depth.
task achievement
Ensure that all your examples are clearly linked back to your main argument about the positive impacts of art. This will strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your conclusion clearly reiterates your main position and summarizes your key arguments succinctly. This will improve the clarity of your closing statement.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position and is well-developed with relevant examples that support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
The use of transitions between paragraphs is effective, helping to guide the reader through your argument smoothly.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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