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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think if students are afraid of the teacher it is better. Others say that having a friendly relation is better. What do you think?

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The debate about the instructor-learner relationship has been ongoing for many years now. It is considered by certain individuals that
this
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 bond, being quite noble should have a thick line, so that there is always a fear among children.
However
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, others opine that a friendly relationship between the two should be encouraged. In my view, a balanced approach is the best solution
due to
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 the changing times and needs of the society. First and foremost, strict discipline enforced by a mentor towards the students would prevent the latter from speaking up in times of need. When a child enters a school, which is often considered a second home, he expects motherly treatment from his tutor.
This
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 expectation gets shattered when his
teacher
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 shouts and screams at him for minor misconduct.
Thus
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, a child starts losing interest in not only the
teacher
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 but
also
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 avoids going to school, in extreme situations
due to
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 fear. To gain and instil confidence in a child, it is necessary that the
teacher
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 is polite and treats his student as a friend, diligently explaining the difference between right and wrong acts.
For instance
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, my niece, an average student in academics is 10 years old and hates to go to school as his Science
teacher
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 yells at her for not doing her homework on time. The poor girl feels insulted in front of her classmates and has now developed a hatred towards
this
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teacher
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 and the subject as well. Her Math
teacher
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 whom she considers her good friend, always makes her understand the relevance of doing her work with punctuality in a friendly manner.
This
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 has actually helped her to be regular in her Mathematics studies.
On the other hand
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, being too friendly with the young makes the mentor lose her own respect and her words are not taken seriously by her learners. They tend to take her for granted and eventually call her often during non-school hours.
This
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 has made her life overstressed. In conclusion, being too harsh or soft on kids these days does not serve the purpose of education.
Thus
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, as stated , the combination of both is desirable for best results.

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Task Response
Consider providing a stronger and clearer thesis statement that directly reflects your opinion and the main points you plan to discuss in the essay.
Coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence which sets up the main idea of that paragraph. This will help improve coherence.
Task Response
Make sure to elaborate on your points with additional examples or explanations to enhance the depth of your arguments and overall clarity.
Positive
Your essay presents a balanced view on the topic, which is a strong approach and reflects a nuanced understanding of the issue.
Positive
You provided real-life examples, such as your niece, which made your argument relatable and helped to illustrate your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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