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Writing Samples /
Band 7

Today more and more people want things instantly (e.g.:goods, service, news,...) Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #e #g #goods #service #news #development
In the present day, there is an increasing demand for immediate purchases
due to
 the rushing nature of the modern
world
. Proponents, including me, believe that
this
 is a positive phenomenon because of the time-saving and informative updating prospects. It must be acknowledged that instant purchases would help individuals reduce their waiting time, which can be considered wasteful for them.
This
 is especially true when
people
 around the
world
 have their living paces
exceed
Wrong verb form
exceeded
show examples
 faster
as a result
 of modernization. So
as a consequence
 of the issue,
people
 tend to have everything being dealt with instantly to concentrate on the matter that
people
 believe is the most significant to them.
For instance
, a survey conducted in the USA by Yale University in 2020 showed that 78% of the interviewees preferred takeout meals to homecooked ones as they believed that they would not have enough time to cook for themselves. Another vital point that must be understood is that
people
 like to keep their minds up-to-date.
In other words
, individuals prefer not to be left behind
due to
 a lack of crucial knowledge of occurring events.
This
 is because the data that we gather globally is versatile by any means and easily outdated.
This
 will result in
people
 having more genuine knowledge of their surroundings in their daily lives and the
world
. An example of
this
 is that nearly all the newspaper systems in Vietnam have changed from traditional to digital since 2000 to be more adaptable to the new lifestyles of readers. Taking all points into account, having immediate matters could help
people
 save their precious time in the modern living pace.
Furthermore
,
people
 would be able to have their information updated with instant purchases in
this
 ever-changing
world
.
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Introduction Development
Develop your introduction more by briefly mentioning the advantages and disadvantages, providing a clearer framework for your argument.
Paragraph Structuring
Structure your paragraphs more distinctly by having clear topic sentences that directly relate to the question.
Balanced Discussion
Provide a balanced view by discussing both positive and negative aspects in detail to fully address the essay prompt.
Example Explanation
Expand on your examples by explaining how they specifically support your argument, making the relevance clearer.
Conclusion Strength
Conclude your essay by summarizing both sides of the argument and stating your opinion clearly to round off the discussion.
Lexical Resource
Try to use a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance your coherence and cohesion score.
Example Usage
Provided clear examples to support points, such as the survey from Yale University and the transition of Vietnamese newspapers to digital formats.
Position Clarity
Maintained a clear position throughout the essay, arguing that the trend towards immediacy is positive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant gratification
  • digital platforms
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • precious commodity
  • e-commerce platforms
  • 24/7 news cycles
  • accessibility
  • consumer behavior
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • delayed gratification
  • pressure
  • advent
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