IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is observed that, currently more and more people are working longer hours. What are the causes of this phenomenon? What effects does this have on the society?.

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In
this
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 age and
time
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, the majority of humans are working more hours than the required
time
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, either in self-employment or in public employment.
This
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 developing trend is impacted by a variety of causes which eventually affect people.
Firstly
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, the pressure to meet an organization’s objectives and heightened expectations cause too much pressure in order to beat some unrealistic task deadlines.
Therefore
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, employees end up working overtime to achieve the targets.
Moreover
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, in
such
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 a tough economic era, people are forced to spend more
time
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 working so as to earn more and pay endless bills.
For example
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, personally, as a nurse, I do many shifts per month because the more days I work, the more salary I make. Undeniably,
such
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 a working culture poses a myriad of positive and negative effects on individuals and society at large.
While
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 job satisfaction and earning lucratively count to be a benefit, the drawbacks of prolonged working overshadow the upsides.
To begin
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 with, the staff’s health is jeopardized.
For example
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, eye and back problems are attributable to prolonged computer light exposure and assuming bad posture respectively.
Lastly
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, lack of enough sleep leads to fatigue, exhaustion and brain fogginess
hence
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 less productivity at work.
For instance
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, a recent survey conducted in a local cotton factory revealed that the rate of production dropped by 5% because employees dozed off at work.
To conclude
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, extending the working
time
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 is influenced by a number of factors and
this
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 trend is not only beneficial but
also
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 disadvantageous.

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task achievement
While the essay generally addresses the task and provides a clear response, expanding on the key points related to the effects on society could enhance the discussion. Make sure to balance the discussion of causes and effects more evenly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay flows reasonably well, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Consider using linking phrases or words to guide the reader more clearly between points, improving coherence.
task achievement
Add more detailed examples related to societal impacts, such as effects on work-life balance or mental health issues. This would provide a more comprehensive view of the topic.
content
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion. The personal example provided helps to illustrate the point and makes the argument relatable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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