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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

With access to the internet and social media websites, many children are exposed to a nu mber of dangerous situations. Adults should thus limit access to the internet for their children.

There is no denying the fact that the
internet
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 and social media have become a big part of
children
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’s lives.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that access to the
internet
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 helps
children
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 learn and stay connected, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that parents should limit
internet
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 access for their
children
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 to keep them safe.
To begin
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 with, the
internet
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 is full of harmful content.
In other words
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,
children
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 may come across violent videos, adult content, or dangerous challenges without even searching for them.
In addition
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,
children
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 are often not mature enough to understand what is good or bad online.
For example
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, many kids have joined dangerous online trends or spoken to strangers, putting themselves at risk. Another point to be considered is that too much
internet
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 use can affect a child’s mental and physical health. It is
also
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 possible to say that spending too much time online can lead to stress, sleep problems, and poor social skills.
Moreover
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, social media can cause low self-esteem when
children
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 compare themselves to others.
For instance
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, some kids feel sad or insecure after seeing pictures of others who look more “perfect” or “popular.”
To sum up
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, despite people having different points of view, I believe that limiting
internet
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 access is necessary for
children
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. The
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 has many benefits, but it
also
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 has serious risks. Parents should monitor and control screen time to help their
children
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 use the
internet
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 in a safe and healthy way.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the clarity of your main points by providing more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
Task Achievement
Include a counterargument to strengthen your overall argument. Mentioning the benefits of internet access and then countering them would provide a more balanced view.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples to support your claims. For instance, when discussing harmful content, you could reference specific studies or statistics related to children's exposure online.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue and maintains a logical progression of ideas, making it easy to follow.
Task Achievement
The use of examples, such as children participating in dangerous online trends and the effects of social media on self-esteem, adds depth to the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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