IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries the cost of living is rising. What are the effects on individuals and society? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem?

Nowadays, living costs have increased dramatically, and
this
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 phenomenon may cause several problems in society.
Besides
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, there are some methods to overcome
this
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 situation. Because of the incredible housing
prices
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, some consequences may affect
people
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 and society. First of all, since the average salary remains stable and does not increase so much, individuals cannot catch up with the growth of
prices
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.
As a result
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, they do not have enough budget to buy an apartment or a house, especially in the capital city, where housing expenses are far higher than in other areas.
Hence
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, they may choose to rent a house rather than own it.
Furthermore
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, nowadays, finding a place to dwell is fairly challenging. Enormous
people
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 regard the city as their home, so they reside in public areas,
such
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 as parks, gardens, and streets. In
this
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 case, it may create serious security and medical concerns in those places, including robbers, murders, and diseases. In order to figure out problems, the government should implement some policies and approaches.
First,
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the government can allocate funds to build apartments by itself, because it can effectively save the cost of construction and make housing
prices
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 fall down to mitigate the issue of high
prices
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. Another solution is to increase the housing tax.
This
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 approach will happen when
people
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 have more than one house. It can reduce
people
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's motivation to buy other houses.
Finally
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, the easiest way is to raise the legal minimum amount of salary, providing everyone with an opportunity to buy their own living places. They can reside in a comfortable environment
instead
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 of the streets. In conclusion, housing problems have already affected individuals and society in many situations, and only the government can have the power and resources to solve these issues.

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task achievement
Your introduction effectively outlines the topics that you will discuss. However, you could provide a slightly clearer thesis statement to guide readers on your specific argument or stance regarding the cost of living and its implications.
coherence and cohesion
While your main points are coherent, ensuring smoother transitions between ideas would enhance the flow of your essay. For instance, linking sentences or using transition words could improve overall coherence.
task achievement
You presented some relevant examples, but providing more specific details or data could strengthen your arguments. Consider incorporating statistics or examples from specific countries experiencing rising living costs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in delivering your message effectively.
task achievement
You have identified key issues related to rising living costs and provided several practical solutions, showing a strong understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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