IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

These days it is much easier for many people to travel to different countries for tourism than in the past. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, the
number
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 of people who travel around the world has increased because of easier access to transportation compared to the past. Even though there are a few negative aspects of having more
tourists
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, I generally believe that there are more upsides to
this
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 trend. There
has been
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is
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 a problem in Japan called “over-tourism,” which means a situation where a nation has a massive
number
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 of
tourists
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 from overseas, leading to some serious issues for local residents living around famous sites. One of the issues is that the local people have begun suffering from noise pollution and the disrespectful
behavior
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behaviour
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 of some
tourists
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.
According to
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 BBC News, it is said that Japanese residents have been struggling with dealing with foreigners exhibiting excessive
behavior
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behaviour
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, resulting in moving out from their residences for the sake of well-being to new places where few
tourists
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 can be seen.
On the other hand
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, having a lot of
tourists
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 can bring economic benefits to the local citizens, and at the same time, provide them with an opportunity to convey their own
culture
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. The more visitors a nation accepts, the more money the travellers bring to the destination,
thus
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 leading the country to revitalize its economy and allowing for the distribution of the revenue to the residents.
Moreover
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, it might give them an opportunity to share their
culture
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 including their foods, their histories, and their lifestyles.
As a result
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, it can be projected that an increasing
number
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 of people from different countries will be attracted by their
culture
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, which will be beneficial to the country in terms of the financial aspects and the expansion of
culture
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. In conclusion, I think that there are more upsides than downsides to an increase in the
number
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 of
travelers
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travellers
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 for countries with more tourism, in terms of the benefits ranging from income for economic growth to the promotion of their own cultures.

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task achievement
The introduction provides a clear thesis statement that outlines your position. However, consider elaborating a bit more on the main points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
In your second body paragraph, the points are relevant but could benefit from more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the arguments about the economic benefits and cultural promotion.
coherence and cohesion
The transition between ideas is generally smooth, but some sentences can be restructured for better flow. For instance, try to ensure that each point logically leads into the next.
coherence and cohesion
Consider expanding your conclusion to summarize the key arguments discussed in the essay, which would reinforce your position and create a stronger final impression.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and outlines both sides of the argument effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of language is generally strong, with appropriate vocabulary and varied sentence structures that enhance readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • boost local economies
  • cultural exchange
  • mutual understanding
  • environmental degradation
  • deforestation
  • overcrowding
  • commodification
  • authentic cultural experiences
  • revenue
  • perspective
  • globalization
  • sustainable tourism
  • heritage sites
  • local customs
  • appreciation of diversity
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