The growing number of overweight is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Health is one of the most important aspects of life. It is argued that governments are squandering a large amount of funds to improve public well-being and address health-related problems

such

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as obesity. A Section of the communities believes that to solve

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issue. Where

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apply

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the schooling system should introduce physical discipline into the academic syllabus.

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essay agrees with

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idea because being overweight can lead to serious health challenges. Apparently, if proper action is not taken, the issue may get worse in the future. Educating children about healthcare routines helps accelerate their understanding of body functions.

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, schools should introduce gym classes to harness the

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well-being of their students, which produces notable outcomes among the schoolgoers and they become more energetic and productive.

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, it has been shown that students who attend PE classes twice a week are less likely to be diagnosed with overweight issues.

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, not only literacy on physical activities but

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a nutritious meal routine leads to long-term benefits including healthy muscle mass and flexibility.

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means that

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culture stimulates an active lifestyle and mitigates junk food habits.

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, studies show that a balanced diet plan has a direct impact on physical performance.

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of that,

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syllabus in schools helps to provide a massive reduction in health problems associated with high blood pressure, diabetes, and stroke cases. In conclusion, I am convinced that the obesity issues could be tackled by introducing physical activities in the schools, because it encourages healthier lifestyles and long-term sustainability, which reduces pressure from the hospitals.

vairag4uMon Apr 21 2025

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Introduction

Consider expanding your introduction to clearly outline the main arguments that will be discussed in the essay. A more detailed introduction can guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.

Development

Ensure that your paragraphs each focus on one main idea that is clearly linked to the thesis. Although your ideas are relevant, some could be developed further to provide a deeper understanding of your arguments.

Cohesion

Work on using transition words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay and make it easier for the reader to follow along.

Conclusion

In your conclusion, summarize the key points made in the essay to reinforce your argument. This helps to reinforce the central idea and gives a sense of completeness to your response.

Example

You have provided relevant examples that support your argument, particularly about the correlation between physical education and better health outcomes.

Argument

Your essay maintains a clear stance on the issue, effectively supporting the argument for increased physical education in schools.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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8
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
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detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

265 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
health care system
physical education (PE)
curriculum
lifelong exercise habits
healthy lifestyle
mental health
academic performance
comprehensive approach
nutrition education
parental involvement
budget constraints
resources
well-being
strain

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Your opinion

Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given to protect wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agee or disagree?

Nowadays more and more people want to get things done instantly (services, information, tasks). Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Some people believe that it is better for students learning language in small classes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A growing number of people rely on restaurants and convenience food (Frozen food and packaged meals) rather than home-cooked food to supply most of their meals. What are the advantages and disadvantages of eating this way ?