All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reason for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

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Nowadays, there is an increasing problem with obesity around the world. The reason for

this

Linking Words

is the

high-calorie

Correct your spelling

high calories

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including

Wrong verb form

included

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in the food.

This

Linking Words

issue can be solved by propagandizing a healthy lifestyle

To begin

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with, big corporations, nowadays, are likely to add certain unhealthy, but cheap ingredients to their production,

such

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sugar

Use synonyms

, in order to reduce the expenses on manufacturing to develop their income.

Therefore

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consumers are suffering from

such

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products, which causes obesity and other issues.

For example

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according to

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a recent news, almost all done products

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

supermarkets are overloaded

Change preposition

with

show examples

sugar

Use synonyms

Change preposition

apply

show examples

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

, compared to the past, when

amount

Add an article

the amount

show examples

sugar

Use synonyms

in food was significantly less

However

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, growing

trend

Fix the agreement mistake

trends

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can

be push

Change the verb form

be pushed

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by promoting another trend, that inspires people to start

healthy

Add an article

a healthy

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lifestyle.

In other words

Linking Words

, a popularised lifestyle would encourage the masses to do some beneficial activities like visiting a gym, going

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

swimming and other types of sports, which help to keep fit. To illustrate, some sports residences can make

a bonuses

Correct the article-noun agreement

a bonus

bonuses

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to the people who actively attend their trainings, or create on popular platforms

such

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as Instagram or TikTok. So, obesity levels

Change preposition

show examples

the world would be decreased

To conclude

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although

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large companies are making the products more dangerous with extra

sugar

Use synonyms

, that leads to

a consequences

Correct the article-noun agreement

consequences

a consequence

show examples

with overweight.

This

Linking Words

trouble

Correct your spelling

problem

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can be solved by popularised sport that inspires people to be fit

i.nureddinnWed Apr 23 2025

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task achievement

The introduction could be more engaging by briefly highlighting the prevalence of obesity before stating the reasons and solutions. Additionally, the phrasing 'high-calorie including in the food' could be adjusted to 'high-calorie content in food' for clarity.

coherence and cohesion

In the second paragraph, ensure a clearer connection between the problem and its effects by expanding on how the addition of sugar directly impacts obesity rates.

coherence and cohesion

In your conclusion, consider rephrasing for clarity. Instead of 'popularyised sport,' you could say 'promoting sports and healthy eating habits' for better understanding.

task achievement

Your identification of both causes of obesity and potential solutions demonstrates a clear understanding of the task.

task achievement

You provide relevant examples that illustrate your points, such as the mention of sugar content in food and the promotion of a healthy lifestyle.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

231 words

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All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reason for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

Word Count

A friend from abroad is visiting your country next month. She is planning to stay with you, but you can't accomodate her. Write a letter to her - tell her the reasons - Apologise - Make alternative arrangements

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits

does being famous are more advantages or more disadvantages

B.Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?