IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

(2024) You took an elderly member of your family, who was not able to walk properly, to a museum and he she faced a few problems. Write a letter to the manager of the museum. In your letter, say why you visited the museum describe the problems you faced suggest what can be done to avoid those problems

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to address some difficulties my disabled uncle faced during his recent visit
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
museum
Use synonyms
. As I was on my summer break, I planned to spend a couple of days with my uncle. A few years ago, he had a car accident.
As a result
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, he is not able to walk without wheelchair assistance. He usually spends his time at home,
therefore
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 I decided to take him to the
museum
Use synonyms
. The
museum
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 served us quite unsatisfactory experiences.
Firstly
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, the elevators were
low numbered
Add a hyphen
low-numbered
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, and some parts of the
museum
Use synonyms
 did not
had
Change the verb form
have
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 any.
For instance
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, my uncle was excited to see the dinosaurs made from wax
although
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 we were unable to do so because there were just stairs available to reach that floor.
Moreover
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, certain areas were too narrow to navigate.
For example
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, the path to the dolphin show was not suitable to pass with a wheelchair. I would request you to increase the number of elevators or alternatively install escalators, which can be accessed by handicapped persons. I hope you take
this
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 letter into consideration and make the
museum
Use synonyms
 more
disabled friendly
Add a hyphen
disabled-friendly
show examples
. Yours sincerely, Jojo

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task response
Consider providing more specific examples of how the problems affected your uncle's experience.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs have a clear main idea and support it with relevant details.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and word forms.
task response
The letter has a clear purpose, detailing the visit and issues faced.
task response
The tone is polite and respectful, suitable for a formal letter.
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