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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, there is a shortage of qualified teachers, especially in rural areas. What are the causes of this problem, and what can be done to solve it?

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In various countries around the world, the lack of highly educated
teachers
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 is observed,
specially
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especially
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 in the countryside. The issue is caused by the low level of income in rural
areas
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 and it can be solved by implementing various governmental programs. To start, rural
areas
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 usually face a deficiency in different aspects of daily life, starting with education and jobs and ending with entertainment. Young specialist are usually looking for better job prospects, which makes them leave their home cities. Clearly, they are offered more salaries and career opportunities in big cities, especially in comparison with smaller towns.
For instance
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, statistics provided by the Ministry of Education and Science of the Republic of Azerbaijan shows that in 2023, approximately 54% of
teachers
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 in non-urban
areas
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 submitted a request for assignment to continue their duties in urban regions, being unsatisfied with their income level.
However
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,
this
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 problem can be tackled if governments use the resources that they own in a more productive way. Particularly, offering specialists in provincial regions fair and competitive salaries will prevent an influx to big cities and shortfalls in smaller
areas
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. At the same time, it will affect local economies positively and promote all-round development in countries.
For example
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, in Norway, in 2021, the State Agency of Education proposed attractive salaries to
teachers
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 who will serve in villages;
as a result
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, the number of
teachers
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 in these
areas
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 increased by 49% in 3 years.
To conclude
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,
although
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 there is a scarcity of educational staff in outlying
areas
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due to
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 low wages and career growth, the essay thinks that the obstacle may be addressed if governments apply proper policies regarding these questions.

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positive
Your introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the causes and solutions to the problem, which is excellent.
improvement
Consider expanding your points with more detailed explanations and additional examples to create a more comprehensive argument.
improvement
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next for improved coherence. Consider using linking words or phrases more frequently to guide the reader.
improvement
Try to provide more specific examples or detailed statistics to strengthen your arguments in the body paragraphs, providing deeper insights into your points.
positive
The structure of your essay is generally clear, and you have maintained a logical flow of ideas.
positive
You have provided relevant examples which support your claims well, adding credibility to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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