IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that young people should choose their professions themselves. Others believe that their parents should choose for them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that choosing a
profession
Use synonyms
 is one of the most important steps in our lives.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
profession
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 choosing should be done by the
parents
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 of the younger generation, there is
also
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 an argument that they should have the free will to choose.
To begin
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 with, some individuals believe that the decision to choose a
profession
Use synonyms
 should be made by the younger generation because they know their preferences and what they are able to do.
In other words
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, most youth are aware of their strengths and weaknesses.
In addition
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, forcing them to work on something they are not passionate about may affect their personality negatively and lower their self-esteem.
For example
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, if a person is passionate about business and has creative thoughts, but his
parents
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 want him to become and doctor or any other related
profession
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,
this
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 will contribute to many psychological problems and may affect the relationship between them badly.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 say that the professional choice decision must be taken by the
parents
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 without consulting their sons or daughters. It is possible to say that
this
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 belief comes from a place where some young
people
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 are not aware of themselves and their
parents
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 know them better.
Moreover
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, raising a child without giving him the space to experience life and the right to choose can lead to lower self-awareness, and
also
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 having no personal goals.
For example
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, I know a person who lived all his life under his parent’s authority, he did not have the liberty to make his own decisions even his major in the university, which made him experience depression and lower personal growth. In conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views, I tend to believe that
people
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 must have the free will to decide their lifeline.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic.
task achievement
Try to include a more balanced view by discussing both perspectives more evenly in the body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify and expand on your concluding statement to reinforce your opinion.
task achievement
You presented relevant examples to support your arguments, which enhances the overall quality of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear progression of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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