IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports Some people say that the best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people believe that team
sports
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 in schools are the most effective method for teaching
children
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cooperation
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. Personally, I disagree with
this
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 notion as I believe that
although
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sports
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 can contribute to
teamwork
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 skills, other educational and social
activities
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 provide a more comprehensive and inclusive approach to fostering
cooperation
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. One key reason why team
sports
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 are not the best way to teach
cooperation
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 is that they primarily focus on physical ability and competition. Many
children
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 may not enjoy or excel in
sports
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, leading to frustration or exclusion rather than fostering genuine
teamwork
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.
Moreover
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, competitive environments in
sports
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 often emphasize winning over
cooperation
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, which can sometimes encourage aggressive behaviour rather than collaborative problem-solving.
For example
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, in high-stakes school competitions, some
students
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 prioritize individual performance over
teamwork
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, undermining the very
cooperation
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 that
sports
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 are meant to teach. A more effective approach to instilling
cooperation
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 is engaging
students
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 in group-based academic projects and extracurricular
activities
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such
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 as drama, debate clubs, or community service initiatives. These
activities
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 require constant communication, mutual understanding, and shared responsibility, which are fundamental to cooperative behaviour.
Furthermore
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,
cooperation
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 is best developed in real-world social interactions where
children
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 learn to resolve conflicts, share responsibilities, and support one another outside the framework of competition.
Activities
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such
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 as peer mentoring programs or volunteering encourage
students
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 to collaborate with diverse individuals, promoting inclusivity and empathy. Unlike
sports
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, which often group
children
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 based on ability, these initiatives provide an equal platform for all
students
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 to develop cooperative skills. In conclusion,
while
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 team
sports
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 can contribute to teaching
cooperation
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, they are not the best approach. Alternative methods
such
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 as collaborative academic projects, extracurricular
activities
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, and social initiatives offer a more inclusive and effective way to develop
teamwork
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 and
cooperation
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 among
children
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.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your argument about the limitations of team sports. This would enhance the relevance of your examples.
coherence and cohesion
Although the essay is logically structured, transitions between some ideas could be smoother. Use linking words and phrases to aid the flow of ideas between paragraphs.
task achievement
Make sure to address counterarguments more explicitly. Acknowledging the benefits of team sports before refuting them can strengthen your argument's validity.
task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear stance and outlines the main argument effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs focusing on distinct points, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperate
  • team sports
  • accountability
  • interdependence
  • resilience
  • humility
  • collaboration
  • communication skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendships
  • bonding experiences
  • empathy
  • cooperative learning
  • structured environment
  • alternative methods
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