Ther win ndek should be shorter and workers should have a

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, employees spend a great amount of
time
Use synonyms
in their workplace, and there is an opinion suggesting that the workforce must get weekends longer than it is now and the working weeks must be shorter. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
initiative because allowing them to get more free
time
Use synonyms
reduces
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
burnout chances and increases
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
task
performance
Use synonyms
. One of the main causes why firms and workplaces should reduce working
time
Use synonyms
during the week is to protect their
workers
Use synonyms
from getting into a condition called job burnout.
While
Linking Words
the main cause of working is money gaining, achieving
this
Linking Words
goal
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
working beyond the body's actual capacity results in the
workers
Use synonyms
having hate feelings toward their jobs.
Although
Linking Words
some of these feelings can lead
workers
Use synonyms
to give up their dream job, sometimes
this
Linking Words
can
grow up
Verb problem
lead
show examples
to
give
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more serious
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
show examples
, like suicide.
For example
Linking Words
, the rate of suicide among
workers
Use synonyms
was minimal in countries where people had more holidays,
while
Linking Words
in other countries like South Korea where the average weekly working hours is
60
Add a comma
60,
show examples
the rate was higher. The other main reason why hiring firms should give more free
time
Use synonyms
to their people is to help them get a higher level of task-achieving
performance
Use synonyms
. When an employee spends more
time
Use synonyms
with his family and has his own social life, he will have a goal pushing him to
work
Use synonyms
harder a family to discuss his project with and a company to talk about his achievement.
However
Linking Words
, taking
this
Linking Words
free
time
Use synonyms
from him will give him the sensation of a lack of goal, which
then
Linking Words
affects his
work
Use synonyms
performance
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a study in the US pointed out that when
workers
Use synonyms
spend more
time
Use synonyms
with their family and friends and
work
Use synonyms
fewer hours during the week, they report that their task
performance
Use synonyms
and
work
Use synonyms
connection increase. In conclusion, giving the workforce more
time
Use synonyms
to spend with their relatives increases their
work
Use synonyms
productivity and reduces the opportunity of having
work
Use synonyms
burnout. So I believe reducing the working days and increasing the free
time
Use synonyms
will be on the side of both employers and employees.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on why weekends should be longer and workweeks shorter, but some arguments could be more developed to fully achieve the task.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follow with supporting details, avoiding any disjointed ideas.
task achievement
Aim for more detailed examples and elaboration of points to enhance clarity and depth of the essay.
task achievement
The essay successfully uses examples to support its claims, particularly the comparison between different countries regarding suicide rates and work hours.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: