IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Many people around the world are worried about the extinction of various species of
animals
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. The primary reason behind
this
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 issue is contamination in the habitat of
animals
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 and a lack of awareness regarding animal safety among human beings. The viable solution to combat
this
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 issue is to formulate strict regulations for large corporations and build more zoos for those
animals
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 who might need help. Overuse of synthetic materials has caused serious damage to the living conditions of the
animals
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 like food, water and soil.
This
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 has led to the mass extinction of
animals
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 in many regions around the globe. Large corporations are killing many
animals
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 for consumption in America, Europe and Asian countries.
For example
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,
according to
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 a recent report published by the Guardian newspaper in which it showed that almost 65 million
animals
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 are annually slaughtered for restaurant food alone. The suitable solution to handle
this
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 problem is to form strict rules for large corporations so that they can be fined for not following the law, and build zoos with comfortable facilities
,
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apply
show examples
 so that they can be secured and be well fed.
This
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 allows people to learn new facts and information about different types of
animals
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 and creates sympathy in their minds.
For instance
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, the USA Wildlife Federation federation has constructed a zoo in California which attracts multiple tourists from around the world and offers a lifetime experience. In conclusion, because extreme alterations made by humans in living places of
animals
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 have caused the extinction of many species of
animals
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, to solve
this
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 proper awareness is essential so that people can understand the world of nature.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly states the main issues, but it could be improved by clearly outlining the structure of your essay or mentioning the upcoming points to be discussed in the body.
coherence
In the body paragraphs, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that sentences flow logically from one to the next. Some sentences could be more connected; using transition words can help improve the overall coherence.
task achievement
While you provided an example from the Guardian, consider adding more specific examples or personal experiences to strengthen your argument and provide clearer support for your points.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the topic of animal extinction with relevant reasons and solutions, demonstrating awareness of environmental issues.
coherence
Your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and emphasizes the importance of awareness regarding animal safety, which is a strong closing statement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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