IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In the past, when students did a , they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Decades ago, many
students
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 chose to
study
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 in their own
countries
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,
while
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 nowadays they have more chances to
study
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 overseas. The writer highly agrees that the benefits of studying abroad has many benefits than studying in their own
countries
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This
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 essay will elaborate on the
study
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 abroad's advantages and disadvantages. The benefit's examples are
students
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 get more experiences in their lives and they will have a worldwide perspective, whilst the drawback is they tend to stay overseas rather than build their own
countries
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.
People
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 who pursue their academics in other
countries
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 will have more experiences than
people
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 who stay
at
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in
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 their
countries
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. They will get additional views from native
people
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,
for instance
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, their languages, their cultures, etc. These will give
students
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 new approaches to how to face their lives. As an example, Indonesians who are used to only eating rice in their homelands
,
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apply
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 will try to eat bread overseas since rice is really expensive there.
Moreover
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, based on the journal that I read,
people
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 who try to get out of their comfort zone, which is their own state, will grow stronger than
people
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 who don't.
This
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 happens because they have to adapt to their new surroundings,
such
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 as the weather, food, lifestyle, etc.
Therefore
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, they will have broader perspectives and hopefully, it will have an impact on their own lives, especially their own
countries
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. To illustrate, Indonesians who
study
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 in the United Kingdom have a tagline, which is "worldwide perspective but local impact".
This
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 tagline's purpose is a reminder for them that even though they studied abroad, they have to have a good impact on their local society in Indonesia. The drawback of
this
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 situation is
students
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 who get their degrees in developed
countries
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 are more likely to stay there because of the salaries.
This
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 might give benefits to individuals, but it will give disadvantage to their own
countries
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. Their own states will lose their great
people
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 to build their own
countries
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. As an Illustration, a year ago, several Indonesians chose to live abroad, rather than stay in Indonesia.
As a result
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, Indonesia's revenue from taxation declined at that time.
To sum up
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, the writer believes that studying abroad has many advantages for individuals,
while
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 it has disadvantages as well, especially for their own country.

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grammar
Make sure to use correct grammar in phrases such as 'the benefits of studying abroad has many benefits.' Consider rephrasing for clarity.
content
Ensure that your ideas are sufficiently developed; some points could be elaborated further for stronger arguments. For example, provide more specific examples of how studying abroad impacts local development.
coherence
Introduce a clearer connection between your points. Link the individual's advantages to the broader implications for their home country more explicitly.
content
You effectively identify both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced perspective on studying abroad.
content
Your examples illustrate your points well, especially the tagline regarding the United Kingdom. This adds depth to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural diversity
  • Global exposure
  • Prestigious universities
  • Cross-cultural communication
  • Language barriers
  • Financial implications
  • International qualifications
  • Global networking
  • Cultural adaptation
  • Educational opportunities
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