IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. What are the advantages and disadvantages of having an ageing population?

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A
Correct article usage
The
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 life span of
people
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 has changed a lot in many countries.
While
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 some
people
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 consider that an increasing
number
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 of retired
people
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 may cause problems for the
government
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, others believe that it is a positive modification for the community.
This
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 essay states that having more ageing population helps a
country
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 increase its reputation, but the budget of the
government
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 can be declined because of
this
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 change. On the one hand, a huge
number
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 of elderly
people
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 living in a
country
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 is an indicator of high life quality and proper conditions.
That is
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, it helps the
country
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 be considered as a successful place for staying and resting with
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 environment. The ranking in Estonia serves as a great example of appropriate circumstances as it is in the top 10 countries with the highest longevity, maintaining its reputation.
On the other hand
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, because of the rising
number
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 of elderly
people
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, the finance of the
country
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 is the main concern for everyone.
In other words
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, each retired citizen gets a monthly payment from the budget of the
government
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.
Hence
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, if more
people
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 live for a long period of time, the
government
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 will lose more money compared to previous years.
For instance
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, if there had been 100000 retired
people
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 in Azerbaijan in 2020,
this
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number
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 would have skyrocketed by 5000, causing
to spend
Verb problem
apply
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more money on aged individuals.
To conclude
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,
while
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 it is important for the
country
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 to maintain its reputation, the increase in total expenditure of it can cause
in
Correct article usage
a in
show examples
 lowering the amount of money that belongs to the
government
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.

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What works well

2
task achievement

Your essay presents a balanced viewpoint on the topic, which is a strong approach for IELTS writing.

task achievement

You've used relevant examples to support your points, particularly the example of Estonia and Azerbaijan, which enhances your argument.

Improvement Suggestions

2
coherence and cohesion

Consider providing a clearer distinction between advantages and disadvantages in the structure of the essay. For example, you could use separate paragraphs for each point to enhance clarity.

task achievement

Make sure to explain the implications of your examples more thoroughly. For instance, discuss how Estonia's reputation impacts its economy or social policy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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