IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

With the increased global demand for oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree?

It is argued that to fulfil the demand for oil and gas, new
areas
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 should be investigated.
However
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,
this
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 essay completely disagrees with
this
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 statement, because I believe that
this
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 solution is not permanent and, with few benefits, it causes countless side effects
such
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 as global warming, deprivation of natural resources, and many more.
To begin
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 with, the first and foremost impact of opening untouched
areas
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 is global warming. To explain, to complete the necessity of oil and gas required to clear the flora and fauna,
consequently
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, a lack of oxygen and emission of toxic gases in the environment, and many more problems arise. Another major reason is the temperature rise; to elaborate, because of forest demolition, the temperature increase has a detrimental impact on the earth and air,
such
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 as glaciers melting, increasing the risk of forest fire, high sea levels, and reducing agricultural productivity in some
areas
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.
For instance
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, the research conducted by the University of London showed in their report that by comparing two decades, the negative effect of growing demand can be seen, more than 30% of uncertain weather is
due to
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 the loss of trees, and an increase in carbon emissions.
Additionally
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, the jungle clearing is
also
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 a reason for biodiversity and habitat loss. To clear it, the woodlands are home to many animals and birds, so cutting these places is not only harmful to the ecosystem but
also
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 a reason for habitat loss;
as a result
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, some species die and others move out to residential
areas
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 and become a danger to humans.
For example
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, in Andhra Pradesh, the incident occurred in 2013 when a wolf attacked a child who returned from school,
due to
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 he was afraid that the pupil was attacking them.
To conclude
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,
although
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 it is necessary to meet the demands of oil and gas, it does not mean that new
areas
Use synonyms
 should be searched. I think that rather than investigating new
areas
Use synonyms
, people should find alternative solutions like solar power, which is environmentally friendly.

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task achievement
You should develop your main points more clearly and provide examples that support your argument better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to link your ideas smoothly with connecting words and phrases.
task achievement
Try to use clearer examples and bring up more details to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion stated in your introduction, which helps guide the reader.
task achievement
Your essay touches on important environmental issues related to oil and gas extraction, which is relevant and essential.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global demand
  • finite resources
  • energy consumption
  • exploiting
  • untouched ecosystems
  • carbon emissions
  • climate change
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable energy solutions
  • geopolitical consequences
  • territorial disputes
  • dependency
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