IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crime in society. To what etent do you agree or disagree with this issue.

I would like
to begin
Linking Words
 with the impact of
films
Use synonyms
 on our society. When you watch a film, sometimes you start to repeat your lovely actor and some people live him or her in their real life. Even
there
Correct word choice
though there
show examples
 are some
films
Use synonyms
, we have not
forgetten
Correct your spelling
forgotten
 their ends and got over yet.
Thus
Linking Words
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
you have to consider which film to watch. In fact,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would support
such
Linking Words
 an idea of government. Another matter which must be considered is how
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 will take a measure or in what amount. If we pay
attenntion
Correct your spelling
attention
 to
movie
Correct article usage
the movie
show examples
 sector, we will observe
film makers
Correct your spelling
filmmakers
show examples
 prefer crime movies to others, because people like them much more.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
such
Linking Words
films
Use synonyms
 are watched better and make more profit.
However
Linking Words
, we have another
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
massive problem, our children. Children are affected immediately by almost everything. Allowing them to watch
such
Linking Words
films
Use synonyms
 would lead to big problems in their future, some
psychology
Replace the word
psychological
show examples
 issues and
ethc
Correct your spelling
ethics
. Government measures would be able to intervene
againts
Correct your spelling
against
such
Linking Words
 violations and hit the
Use synonyms
films
Change noun form
film's
show examples
 harmful
affects
Replace the word
effects
show examples
. Before devastating issues
emerging
Wrong verb form
emerge
show examples
, we have to think of efficient methods.

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your position on the topic. This will help establish your viewpoint from the outset and guide your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your ideas. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, using linking words and phrases appropriately.
task achievement
Expand on your main points with more detailed examples or explanations. This not only strengthens your argument but also shows a deeper understanding of the impact of media violence.
task achievement
You raise important points about the influence of films on society and children's vulnerabilities, showing awareness of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing shows a willingness to engage with the complexity of the topic, which is commendable and demonstrates critical thinking.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • violent content
  • government regulation
  • vulnerable audiences
  • desensitization
  • aggressive behavior
  • censorship
  • social unrest
  • rating systems
  • responsible consumption
  • media influence
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