The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crime in society. To what etent do you agree or disagree with this issue.

I would like
to begin
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with the impact of
films
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on our society. When you watch a film, sometimes you start to repeat your lovely actor and some people live him or her in their real life. Even
there
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though there
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are some
films
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, we have not
forgetten
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forgotten
their ends and got over yet.
Thus
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we
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apply
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you have to consider which film to watch. In fact,
i
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I
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would support
such
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an idea of government. Another matter which must be considered is how
government
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the government
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will take a measure or in what amount. If we pay
attenntion
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attention
to
movie
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the movie
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sector, we will observe
film makers
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filmmakers
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prefer crime movies to others, because people like them much more.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
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such
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films
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are watched better and make more profit.
However
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, we have another
and
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apply
show examples
massive problem, our children. Children are affected immediately by almost everything. Allowing them to watch
such
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films
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would lead to big problems in their future, some
psychology
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psychological
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issues and
ethc
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ethics
. Government measures would be able to intervene
againts
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against
such
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violations and hit the
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films
Change noun form
film's
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harmful
affects
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effects
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. Before devastating issues
emerging
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emerge
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, we have to think of efficient methods.

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your position on the topic. This will help establish your viewpoint from the outset and guide your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your ideas. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, using linking words and phrases appropriately.
task achievement
Expand on your main points with more detailed examples or explanations. This not only strengthens your argument but also shows a deeper understanding of the impact of media violence.
task achievement
You raise important points about the influence of films on society and children's vulnerabilities, showing awareness of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing shows a willingness to engage with the complexity of the topic, which is commendable and demonstrates critical thinking.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
Topic Vocabulary:
  • violent content
  • government regulation
  • vulnerable audiences
  • desensitization
  • aggressive behavior
  • censorship
  • social unrest
  • rating systems
  • responsible consumption
  • media influence
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