Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Nowadays, digital social
platforms
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have been widely criticised for their negative impacts on people’s communication. I believe,
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while
Correct word choice
that while
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these
platforms
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offer valuable benefits, they
also
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present serious challenges. Social networking sites provide quick and
easy to access
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easy-to-access
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communication across distances and enable users to exchange information instantly. Sharing photos and messages via online resources
help
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helps
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people
to
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apply
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maintain relationships with close ones around the world,
while
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also
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to access
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accessing
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news and educational resources.
Additionally
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, there are a range of interest-based groups which foster collaborative projects and professional support.
For example
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, a recent university graduate joined a local entrepreneurship group on Facebook, which led to new acquaintances and a highly paid job.
Nevertheless
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, excessive use of social media can undermine mental health, productivity, and social cohesion. Infinite scrolling and push notifications encourage addictive behaviour, distracting users from work, studies, and real-life interactions.
Besides
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, these
platforms
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often become fertile ground for fraudsters who exploit the ease of creating anonymous or stolen profiles. There is a real case when a fraudster hijacked a Facebook account and messaged the victim’s contacts claiming to be stranded abroad,
then
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asked them to wire funds for an “emergency flight.” Dozens of well-meaning friends fell for the ruse, collectively losing thousands of dollars before the deception was uncovered. In conclusion, it is significant to mention that
although
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social networking sites offer valuable advantages in connecting and informing users, there are certain risks to
mental
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the mental
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well-being of individuals and societal harmony. People should use
such
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platforms
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wisely and always supplement online communication by face to face.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, but you could enhance it by briefly outlining the key points you will discuss in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that reflects the main idea of that paragraph. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant and well-explained, consider incorporating more statistics or studies to add depth to your points about mental health and productivity issues.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view, acknowledging both the benefits and drawbacks of social networking sites, which shows critical thinking.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as the case of fraud, effectively illustrates your argument and makes it engaging for the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • face-to-face
  • interactions
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • polarize
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • procrastination
  • productivity
  • social isolation
  • dissemination
  • breeding ground
  • vast amounts
  • personal information
  • mental health
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